NICKLEBACK: Dark Horse

Produced by Mutt Lange, Nickelback and Joey Moi

Released: 15 November

Here's something I thought I'd never be doing: reviewing a Nickelback album! Obviously someone at the radio station I work at has once again confused what I play on my show with what these Canadian sleazeballs play because a brand new copy of Dark Horse somehow found its way into my pigeonhole there (Update Jan. 19/09: They've since given me another copy that is also going to end up on eBay). It's been a long while since I've met anyone who's actually enough of a fan of this band to even be interested in an entire album of their songs, but somebody must be because here they are with album number six, debuting at #3 on the Australian charts.

Nickleback albums are all pretty much cut to the same template, a mixture of pantie-wetting power ballads and bland, chugging radio-friendly hard rock. Dark Horse isn't anything all that different, although it does benefit from the guiding hand of Mutt Lange, who's steered a course that's midway between Back in Black and Waking Up the Neighbours. The rocking songs are fuller and heavier and the softer ones have a splash of colour, probably providing Nickelback with the sound to which they've always aspired.

Dark Horse's blend of rock and sop as an opening pair of arse-kicking rockers about sex and booze give way to a string of teary-eyed ballads are one thing to hate Nickelback for, but their crimes go further than just this. As expected, Lange contributes to the songwriting as well, and while this hasn't resulted in much variation to the standard formula, it may have in fact increased the level of Chad Kroeger's veiled misogyny and rampant sexism. These are aspects he tries to disguise in his housewife-friendly crooners like "I'd Come For You" and "Gotta be Somebody", but the disguise isn't all that clever because Nickelback (or, more correctly, Kroeger) simply blow their own cover with a string of tunes portraying women as little more than sluts, parading around in g-strings and getting drilled deliriously with their heels still on.

Leaving nothing to the imagination, "Something in Your Mouth" displays a sexism that owes more to Ice T than Nikki Sixx or Bon Scott ("It's so much cooler when you never pull it out/You're so much cuter/With something in your mouth"); similarly "Next Go Round" and "S.E.X." share the same bald-faced classlessness, beefy guitars and driving riffs but a lyrical crassness that other bands at this level would find downright embarrassing.

With Dark Horse, Nickelback is still cluelessy scrabbling around for the same formula that made Bon Jovi, Def Leppard and Van Halen popular with both girls and guys, but even with the help of one of the world's best producers they still can't find it. I'm not sure what the "dark horse" of the title is all about either, because there's nothing unexpected about this album whatsoever.

1. Something in Your Mouth
2. Burn it to the Ground
3. Gotta Be Somebody
4. I'd Come for You
5. Next Go Round
6. Just to Get High
7. Never Gonna be Alone
8. Shakin' Hands
9. S.E.X.
10. If Today Was Your Last Day
11. This Afternoon

Rating: 40%

LEVIATHAN: Tentacles of Whorror

Produced by Wrest

Released: 2004

I never really know what to expect from US label Moribund Records because they don’t exactly deal in the sort of metal that I typically enjoy and yet the stuff they do release can be either so compellingly awful or inherently different and bizarre that it can’t really be ignored. Out of this Pandora's box of musical strangeness is Leviathan, a one-man USBM unit inspired by early Burzum, but one who uses that inspiration to create music of an incredibly twisted and perverse nature that stands alone.

Rather like its cover art, Tentacles of Whorror is a truly demented release, as if it came from the bowels of Hell itself. At times the clean guitars are deliberately off-key and often don’t appear to even be in tune, then all of a sudden an enormous blastbeat section comes up and swallows everything only to give way to a painfully slow, dirge-like funereal passage. Depressing ambient sections are juxtaposed with crushing riffs and hair-raising vocal shrieks. It certainly isn’t something to be listened to for the purposes of enjoyment, rather an album that mesmerises with its truly disturbing nature. At a whopping 72 minutes in length and with some songs like the title track and the deeply troubling "A History of Rape" running over eight minutes, Tentacles of Whorror is also an overwhelmingly epic release.

Absolutely not for everybody, Tentacles of Whorror really is for the most extreme tastes only!

1. What Fresh Hell
2. Heir to the Noose of Ghoul
3. Cut With the Night Into Mine Heart
4. A Bouquet of Blood for Skull
5. Deciphering Legend Within the Serpent's Briar
6. A Necessary Mutilation
7. Vexed and Vomit Hexed
8. Tentacles of Whorror (Revel the Tyrant)
9. Requiem for a Turd World
10. Blood Red and True: Pt 3 (Plummeting Obscure)
11. Mouth Orifice Bizarre
12. The History of Rape

Rating: 73%

Australian Idol: Grand Final

Well it's all over now and unless you've been locked away in an iron safe under the sea, you'd know by now that Wes Carr was proclaimed Australian Idol for 2008. That means for possibly the first time ever, the right person actually won the competition. While that may be arguable, what isn't is that next year's series has a lot to live up to. Apart from Johnny Darko, Sparkle Eyes and Tom the Kid, almost any of the other contestants could have won any of the previous series; certainly they were all better than Kate DeAraugo. So next year's auditions should be tougher than ever. It either that or can the whole thing.

But I can't see that happening.

ELYSIUM: Dreamscapes

Released: 2001

Like far too many Aussie releases that come my way, this album was well overdue when it fell into my hands: recorded in 1998, it wasn't released for three years. It's so often the curse of the underground, self-funded recording. Labels can fold, key members can split, or there's simply no bucks around or no one willing to take it up. Elysium had been around forever when this finally surfaced and their past was somewhat chequered, but the hurdles keeping this on the shelf for so long were finally swept away one day, allowing Dreamscapes to unfold its visions of darkness and melancholy at last.

With a mere seven tracks sprawling across almost an hour, expect nothing less from this Sydney band than slow and epic doom of massive proportions! The enormous "Darkwoods and Willows Wild" stumbles into the picture with its grandiose style and ponderous pace, epitomising Elysium's chosen Muse from the very start: a surging, recurring keyboard theme, the slow crash of guitars and drums, Jamie Marsh's cold and grim vocals and the delicate contrast of Avrigus singer Judy Chiara's soaring operatics. Elysium are not merely content with plodding their way through their album endlessly repeating the same formula, however. Long, meandering and slow though it is, Dreamscapes is by no means a turgid experience. Each of the seven tracks here are injected with their own individuality, expansive and almost orchestral in their structure. At times almost painfully slow, Elysium step up occasionally to a menacing mid-pace, and mix in dark, spoken passages and multi-layered clean guitar sections where even the bass, usually the most inconspicuous of instruments, is clearly defined and Chiara's peerless vocals are a stunning contrast to Marsh's evocative, chameleon-like vocals.

Dreamscapes is a huge and infinitely majestic album that is unfortunately impossible to find now, but if a copy does come your way somehow, you shouldn't let it get away.

1. Dark Woods and Willows Wild
2. Graven Bay
3. Elysium (Gallery of the Fallen)
4. These Bleak Enshrined Emotions
5. Remorse at Dusk
6. Leafy Tendrils (Pt. 1)
7. Millenia Gone

Rating: 89%

NAZXUL: Black Seed

Produced by Nazxul

Released: 1998

Early yesterday morning, Sydney metal scene veteran Greg Morelli died when his motorbike hit a flooded section of Parramatta Road. He was killed before he could see the release of his band's long-anticipated second full length album, an album I once talked to him about while sitting in a shelter next to a crypt in the middle of Waverley Cemetery. At night. This EP was already a legendary piece of plastic by then and had already been re-released once, only a few months earlier. To this day, "Black Seed" remains one of the most extreme and intense black metal recordings of all.

A chanting choir marks the beginning of this journey of unholy savagery. "Vow of Vengeance" is a truly epic masterpiece built on a relentlessly repetitive, glacially-paced and monstrously crushing riff, enhanced by a surging keyboard-driven melody that provides an icy atmosphere throughout. Morte's vocals are tortured shrieks that are in the fore of the mix, a rare thing for BM from the time, with the choir continuing in the background for the duration of the track, adding a deeper mystical and symphonic element.

The grandly atmospheric tone of the first song is sharply contrasted immediately by "Black Seed Sown", a six-minute wall-of-sound barrage of fiendishly fast guitar riffs and ceaseless blast beats. Yet again, both the keys and the vocals shine through, for Nazxul was a band that understood that black metal could indeed be just as effective with excellent production. Perhaps even more so. On the Emperor-like "Apostasies Legions Arise, XUL!" the band's occult influences are in full flower, with the atmospheric breaks even more powerful here than in the previous track.

"Under the Sign of Life's Living End" is the monolithic, apocalyptic closer to the original version of this EP. This is like a paen to the early black metal movement with insane guitar melodies, eerie keyboards and vocals like the howling Furies. A shorter version of this was included on an independent label sampler, but on "Black Seed" the listener is treated to the full version, concluded by a darkly disturbing instrumental coda that showed Nazxul's bleaker, more ambient side.

This EP was a true representation of how powerful black metal could be, and how it could be done without compromising quality sound. Some versions of this feature live tracks and demo songs too, depending on the pressing, but no matter which one you find, rest assured this is an essential addition to any serious metal collection.

1. Vow of Vengeance
2. Black Seed Sown
3. Apostasies Legions Arise, XUL!
4. Under the Sign of Life's Living End

Rating: 98%

Australian Idol: Final Semi Final

Well the journey is almost over for the finalists now. I officially stopped caring after the Invisible Bulletproof Man got the chop last week, because a win by any of the three blokes who were left would please me. Those three blokes comprise two guys who were already serious musicians with small-time careers behind them and a complete newcomer with uncanny natural ability and charisma. As I said on the very first of this series of entries, I've always been a fan of this show but this year has been the most enjoyable and appears to have really unearthed some people who truly deserved to be unearthed. Plus, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with Kyle Sandilands, he's infinitely more tolerable than Mark Holden. Indeed, if Sandilands was more like he is on this show more often, and less like the objectionable, opinionated idiot he is everywhere else he sticks his boof head, I would possibly appreciate him more. That won't make me begin listening to 2DAY FM, though.

So anyhow, after last night's reveal, Mark Spano was eliminated, leaving only the favourite and the dark horse in the race. It also means we didn't get to hear Spano's potential single, which is a shame because it had to be better than the one they've given to Luke. I like Luke and his version of "Stuck in the Middle With You" was cool; even if he comes second next week I can see him becoming a nuggety, blues-rock version of Shannon Noll. ie. Someone that blokes won't be embarrassed about admitting they like. But the song they've given him as his first single should he pull off the win doesn't actually suit him that well, because even though he sang it all right, to me it seems like something for someone with a sweeter range. Perhaps it was originally written for Teale, because it sounds more like a song he would have done.

That's assuming, of course, that these songs really were knocked together specifically for these guys; professional songwriters pump out hits over their morning coffee though, so it's quite possible. At least they're not offering up third-hand Diane Warren rubbish like they did with Casey Donovan.

By contrast, Wes Carr's song was perfect for him, though to be honest he could make almost anything his own. I kept thinking it had a very Stevie Wright vibe about it that perhaps was brought about by the vocal style, the 70s rock riff and the harmonica. The way he tore through "Get Back" the night before also marked him, if nothing else has, as the clear champion. Even if Luke pips him next week, which is highly likely given the shearer's immense popularity, we're going to be hearing a lot more from Wes Carr than we did when he was in Tambarlane (a band name that rings bells with me even though it came and went long after my four-nights-a-week gig-pig days were over).

ROB ROCK: Garden of Chaos

Produced by Carl-Johan Grimmark
Released: September 2007

It's hard to believe I almost let this one slip under my radar, because Garden of Chaos is one of the most arse-kicking albums of pure metal to have been blessed my ears so far this year.

Not to be confused with the similarly-named producer behind the mess that was St Anger, Rob Rock is a singer with molten metal pumping through his veins. There is probably few guys as consistent in music than this guy; virtually everything this man lends his voice to is pure quality. From his string of albums with Chris Impelliteri and contributions with Driver, M.A.R.S., Warrior and others to his batch of solo albums, Rock nary puts a foot wrong. So it continues with his latest effort.

Garden of Chaos is just one pure metal track after the next, with no thought of pandering to any trends, taking divergent pathways through orchestral excesses or weird excursions into bland melodic rock in hopeless bids for airplay. With nothing but heavy metal power, Rock just blazes through 11 tracks of absolute ownage, helped out by the ridiculous talents of Roy Z, Bobby Jarzombek and Gus G among others. That the production credits are in the hands of Carl-Johan Grimmark is an amusing irony, because this is the sort of album that his band Narnia could only aspire to in their dreams: heavy, catchy, fast and rocking without the flouncy pretentious bits and lame power metal bullshit.

Picking a highlight on here is virtually a moot point because every song is a ripper, and even the ballad dedicated to his infant son actually sounds heartfelt. Rock's a practising Christian so as usual you can expect to find a lot of Biblical references and in some respects Garden of Chaos is a semi-conceptual exploration of the nature of sin, but unlike many of his contemporaries Rock uses his songs to explore Christian theme rather than just hitting people over the head with preachy dogma so that even people without a shred of religiosity within can just lose themselves in the music and headbang into a frenzy.

Another killer album from one of the best metal artists in circulation.

1. Garden of Chaos
2. Satan's Playground
3. Savior's Call
4. This Time is the Last Time
5. Only a Matter of Time
6. Spirit in the Sky
7. Metal Breed
8. Millenial Reign
9. Unconditional
10. Ride the Wind
11. Ode to Alexander

Rating: 95%

AC/DC: Black Ice

Produced by Brendan O'Brien

Released: 2008

In the eight years since the last AC/DC album, the music industry has moved on. Typically, AC/DC has not. Black Ice is as identifiably AC/DC as anything they've done before. Not as high energy perhaps, but with a 61-year old lead singer that probably isn't surprising. The first noticable aspect is that this is an AC/DC album with packaging: there's versions that come in tins and with special full colour-booklets. Even the standard version is a digipak. The last time Akkadakka made any concessions as to how their album was packaged was probably back when For Those About to Rock... came with a gatefold sleeve, but as this group is one of the few remaining major acts that still doesn't allow digital downloads it's obvious they needed to make this CD as alluring as possible. I doubt it would have mattered, as this album sold 1.7 million copies in a week and topped the charts in 29 countries, including Australia where, amazingly, they have only achieved the milestone thrice before. And as with almost everything they've released since 1981, it's unlikely that anyone will still be listening to Black Ice all that much in a year from now.

Clocking in at almost an hour and featuring no less than fifteen songs, Black Ice is a true epic by AC/DC standards and while it is arguably the best album they've made since The Razors Edge it would have been better had they pared it by at least fifteen minutes. "Spoilin' for a Fight", "Wheels", "Smash N Grab" and "Money Made" are simply nothing songs: go nowhere, add nothing, say nothing. Conversely, "Rock N' Roll Train" is one of the best things they've done in a very long time, "Big Jack" has some long-lost swagger to it and "She Likes Rock N Roll" features an unusually funky bass line from Cliff Williams, normally one of the invisible men of rock. "War Machine" also has him laying down a throbbing intro that recalls "Live Wire", although the rest of the song hardly compares.

Far more successfully than Rick Rubin was able, it appears Brendan O'Brien has convinced AC/DC to actually add a trace of colour to their predictable style. For the first time ever, Brian Johnson uses his natural singing voice on "Decibel" instead of his usual tortured shriek and "Stormy May Day" features some truly sloppy slide guitar, two noteworthy moments that add a bit of character to this otherwise by-the-numbers album. The production is otherwise pretty bland. The guitars are suitably loud but not especially gutsy and for a good two-thirds of the album the band just slots into a comfortable bluesy groove. They close out in a rocking fashion with "Rocking All the Way" and the title track, but apart from those couple of interesting touches already mentioned, the middle of Black Ice is little more than a void. There just isn't any of the energy that you'd expect from a band called AC/DC, really and everything between "Anything Goes" and "Rock N Roll Dream" (except "She Likes Rock N Roll", which is really quite good) could have been chopped without anyone noticing.

In just three weeks this has shifted 5 million units around the world so it probably really doesn't matter what I or any other reviewer says about Black Ice. It's AC/DC. You know what to expect.

1. Rock N Roll Train
2. Skies on Fire
3. Big Jack
4. Anything Goes
5. War Machine
6. Smash N Grab
7. Spoilin' for a Fight
8. Wheels
9. Decibel
10. Stormy May Day
11. She Likes Rock N Roll
12. Money Made
13. Rock n Roll Dream
14. Rocking All the Way
15. Black Ice

Rating: 65%

ICED EARTH: The Glorious Burden

Produced by Jim Morris and Jon Schaffer

Released: 2004

A friend of mine told me they were disappointed with this album, and being the die-hard Iced Earth fan they are, I can understand why. The Glorious Burden was built up to be a complete triumph, introducing a new singer and a new beginning, utilising orchestral arrangements and featuring an epic track the reflects band leader Jon Schaffer's passion for American history. Of couse, Schaffer builds up all Iced Earth albums as being the greatest recordings ever, so that's nothing unusual. Unfortunately this album doesn't even come close to being Iced Earth's best, never mind the world-changing masterpiece it was claimed to be. Most of the tracks aren’t up to the standard that Schaffer has set for himself over the years and most of the lyrics are worse than some of the worst stuff Steve Harris comes up with from time to time.

The enormous three-part US Civil War epic “Gettysburg (1863)” is the real reason to get hold of The Glorious Burden, where the band is joined by an orchestra that really helps to set the mood for a musical saga that stands so far above the rest of the album it could well have been released on its own without all the filler like the horrible “When the Eagle Cries”, perhaps one of the worst songs in the history of American metal. “Hollow Man” is merely a reworking of previous Iced Earth ballads like “Melancholy”, with different lyrics, but the likes of “Attila” and “Red Baron/Blue Max” do stand out nicely despite that typical repetitive three-part riff that Schaffer has used on every song he’s ever written.

Ex-Judas Priest vocalist Tim Owens does a fantastic job with the material he’s been given, but as gifted a singer as he is, even he has trouble making something like “There were 45,000 wounded or dead when the fight was finally through/On a three-mile square battlefield near a town named Waterloo” sound like lyrics instead of a paragraph from a modern history textbook. Far too often also, The Glorious Burden wavers perilously close to German power metal territory, with Blind Guardian-style multiple vocal harmonies in the choruses as well as being less heavier overall than previous efforts. Ultimately, The Glorious Burden is rather a flawed album that didn’t stand up to the hype that preceded it in the wake of Matt Barlow’s departure and Schaffer’s long-held dissatisfaction with his previous label.

This isn’t a terrible album by any means, but with the exception of the “Gettysburg” trilogy, it is a significant step down from most of their previous releases.

1. The Star-Spangled Banner
2. Declaration Day
3. When the Eagle Cries
4. The Reckoning (Don't Tread on Me)
5. Greenface
6. Attila
7. Red Baron/Blue Max
8. Hollow Man
9. Valley Forge
10. Gettysburg (1863) Pt 1. -- The Devil to Pay
11. Gettysburg (1863) Pt 2. -- Hold at All Costs
12. Gettysburg (1863) Pt 3. -- High Water Mark

Rating: 68%

Australian Idol 9th Finals Week

With just three weeks to go I am becoming increasingly fearful that the Bulletproof Invisible Man is going to be one of those in the Grand Final. Going by Luke's performance tonight, there's only Wes and Mark left to stand in Teale's way. More's the pity in that Teale was actually rather good tonight, as if he'd been waiting to get this far before really turning it on. His first effort was as bland and non-descript as always, but when he came back out later and did a Timberlake song everything just seemed to click. It's as if he's always been destined to do this style of music but until now didn't even realise it. He can't move like JT and is a long way from being JT but he finally made me sit up and notice him tonight.


That's bad news for Luke though, who looks to have come about as far as he can on the show. He sang "With Arms Wide Open" first, dedicating it to his newborn son, and with a newborn son myself the sentiment brought a tear to my eye even though I know this is actually a song about Jesus. He did this one OK, but fell a bit flat with "One of These Nights". Still, Chris Isaak rates him, and that's a pretty solid endorsement.


With Isaak on the judging panel, Spano took the audacious risk of doing "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing"! Lucky he's good enough to pull it off. "Everybody Hurts" was great too. Can there be any doubt this guy will be one of the last two left?

Wes kicked off with "When You Were Young" and even though I didn't think he was quite as good as he usually is, Isaak has already got him booked into an LA studio with the Killers' producer, making records. This is why Chris Isaak is a very cool dude.

Luke to go tonight. He had a good run though.

UPDATE 9.00pm: Teale got the bullet! Yay.

EDGUY: Tinnitus Sanctus

Produced by Sascha Paeth

Released: November 14

Edguy is one of those most rare of bands, one that has remained consistently good regardless of what direction they choose to head into. After perfecting their power metal phase with the mighty Mandrake, the band has borne the brunt of criticism for the overtly rock moves they've made since. Hellfire Club remains a deeply contentious pieces of work, with fans old and new either hating it with a passion or praising it as among their best. Even the dubious Rocket Ride had its enjoyable moments, although most punters rightly pointed out that Edguy was in danger of pushing the envelope too far with its disastrous jokey reggae songs and irritating electro-pop experiments.

Tinnitus Sanctus probably won't please all of those who preferred it when Edguy sounded more like Helloween, but it is closer to the darker side of power metal than they have been since Mandrake. This follows the same heavy rocking vein of the last two albums, but they've (all but) dispensed with the goofyness and instead come away with a heavier and more mature creation. Apart a silly ditty about incest done in a mock-hillbilly style -- sensibly tucked away at the end of the album -- virtually all of the irreverent humour of Hellfire Club and Rocket Ride appears to have been stripped away. In its place is a more sombre tone, with Tobias Sammet's lyrics exploring some religious themes on a few of the tracks. As mentioned, there is a darker aspect in the music also, with Sammet singing in a deeper-than-usual register a lot of the time. There is a few concessions to their power metal past evident here and there too, like the choruses of "Sex Fire Religion" and the overall speed of some songs that remains.

Overall, this latest offering is solid as a complete package without a particular highlight, although "Speedhoven" with its older-Edguy style speed metal parts and the opening song "Ministry of Saints" are stand-outs. "Aren't You a Little Pervert Too?" departs from the feel of the rest of Tinnitus Sanctus quite markedly, tacked on the end just to show that Edguy hasn't lost their strange sense of humour in their transition back to the serious side of metal again.

This is not the return to Edguy's power metal days as many would like, but as a development toward a middle ground, Tinnitus Sanctus should please many.

1. Ministry of Saints
2. Sex Fire Religion
3. The Pride of Creation
4. Nine Lives
5. Waking Up Dreaming Black
6. Dragonfly
7. Thorn Without a Rose
8. 929
9. Speedhoven
10. Dead or Rock
11. Aren't You a Little Pervert Too?

Rating: 78%

THE ETERNAL: The Sombre Light of Isolation

Produced by Mark McCormack and The Eternal

Released: 2004

After close to a decade as Cryptal Darkness, line-up changes and wrangles with labels finally resulted in this band becoming The Eternal. With their debut album, this group made its presence felt immediately. The Sombre Light of Isolation is an overwhelming release that was one of the best albums to surface in 2004.

The Eternal didn't exactly break much new ground with this, but what they did was create a masterful album that weaves its slow and majestic way through moments of Katatonia-like melodic Goth metal such as “Down” and “A Cruel Misfortune” to stark, grim tracks like the bleak, rumbling closing track, “All Hope Lost” with a dark sense of purpose. A guest appearance by vocalist Darren White late in the piece provides what is possibly the highlight in the brooding “Remembrance Scars”, a song that evokes the forboding darkness of White-era Anathema or even My Dying Bride’s Turn Loose the Swans. The Sombre Light of Isolation is an album that grows darker as it moves on, with the pairing of the title track plus the awesome “Black Serenity” providing a bridge between the melody-drenched first half and the mournful gloom of the later tracks.

The Eternal won themselves plenty of acclaim with this album, and rightly so. Because it’s a masterpiece.

1. Commemorate the Misery
2. A Cruel Misfortune
3. The Eternal
4. Down
5. The Sombre Light of Isolation
6. Black Serenity
7. Crimson Sacrifice
8. Harmony of Dissonance
9. Remembrance Scars
10. All Hope Lost

Rating: 98%

WEDNESDAY 13: Skeletons

Released: 2008

I can't pretend to have been a big fan of Wednesday 13 previous to this release, but almost immediately Skeletons gave me the distinct impression that it was going to be a heavier and darker album than before, and I wasn't disappointed. The title appears to be an allusion to struggle in his personal life, a concept that he seems to have carried right across most of the endeavour. Purging their personal demons is always a good way for artists to make some of their best work, and it could be because of this that Wednesday 13 has made a pretty good heavy rock record.

The man did a lot of touring with Alice Cooper leading up to the recording of this CD, and it shows; Cooper's influence is all over this, as if 13 sat long hours in the dark listening to early 00s stuff like Brutal Planet and Dragontown over and over again. Skeletons sounds so much like Alice Cooper in fact that at times it's like a lost work that's been uncovered, polished off and beefed up with some modern production. That said, it also bears the hallmarks of 13's Misfits-like horror punk roots with less-than-subtle injections of White Zombie-style groove metal. "Put Your Death Mask On" is heavy with the latter's influence, manifested by a thunderous groove and a raspy growl. The opening track also has a solid metal vibe, ripping into an explosion of churning guitars after a deceptively slower intro. Other songs are more familiar, but with a degree of maturity, particularly in the lyrics that also mirror Alice Cooper's world-weary ironies and clever observations and reflect Wednesday 13's personal demons more than the imaginary ones he's served up before.

Musically Wednesday 13 is hardly re-inventing the wheel here, but he has made a solidly rocking album full of catchy tunes, something else he's learned from the master.

1. Scream Baby Scream
2. Not Another Teenage Anthem
3. Gimme Gimme Bloodshed
4. From Here to the Hearse
5. Put Your Death Mask On
6. Skeletons
7. My Demise
8. With Friends Like These...
9. No Rabbit in the Hat
10. All American Massacre
11. Dead Carolina

Rating: 83%

Australian Idol 8th Finals Week

Do I really need to keep doing this? With five people left, Wes is so far ahead of everyone that they might as well go straight to the Opera House next week. Still, there's always a possibility that he'll fall at the last hurdle and the Invisible Bulletproof Man will take the honours. Anyway, to honour the 25th anniversary of the release of the biggest-selling album of all time, tonight's theme was Michael Jackson songs. Mentor and guest host was his brother Jermaine, one of the more likable members of the clan, although his presence must have put the contestants under a formidable amount of pressure.

The Bulletproof Man headed up tonight's show with a MOR version of "Billie Jean" and just did what he's always done. If this guy was to win, I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to try and mould him into a genuine talent. He approaches every thing he's given with exactly the same formula; indeed, Teale is perhaps the most formulaic, colour-by-numbers performer they've ever had on this show. And that's saying something.

That said, Mark is the Rock Guy and does everything the way a rock guy would, so I guess he's being a bit predictable also. Unfortunately for him, "Bad" was obviously harder than he thought it was. The verses were flat and mumbly; he recovered in the choruses, but this could be the end of him.

Chrislyn stretched herself to the limit by attempting the most histrionic Jackson song of all, "Thriller" and wasn't up to the task (few people would be, after all). She's a great singer, but there's more to that song than just singing it.

Luke consolidated his dark horse status by turning "The Way You Make Me Feel" into a blues song, pulling off probably the performance of his life in the process. Without argument, he was the best up to this point and the one who's coming the furthest of anyone with no sign of stopping yet. He's a very, very clever guy who has every chance of going the distance.

Then Wes came on. A self-confessed MJ nut, he had obviously been perfecting this impression of the guy his entire life. To actually get the chance to do so, in front of Jermaine Jackson of all people, has perhaps been the pinnacle of his existence. Everything about his version of "Black And White" was spot on: the look, the voice, the dancing, the whole package. Wes is the best Idol contestant ever. There should be no argument about this.

Even though Mark was worse than him tonight, Teale needs to go, even if it's just because he's the only one I don't care about. And never have.

LORD: Hear No Evil

Produced by Lord Tim

Released: Yesterday

Perhaps keen to appease their horde of fans salvating for the follow-up to last year's awesome Ascendence album, LORD has released this EP that no doubt serves as a teaser to that follow-up, a recording that is set to feature a jaw-dropping guest list (believe me when I say this). While consisting of only five songs, "Hear No Evil" clocks in at over 23 minutes, and fans of pure heavy metal should go nuts for at least 19 ½ of those minutes without any reservations.

The two new tracks here, "Set in Stone" and the title track, are further refinements of LORD's style but with even more lead guitar histrionics, if such a thing is indeed possible. Should these two songs be any indication of what the forthcoming album will be like (and I would be amazed if they did not), then it will be a totally barnstorming one. Both original songs are catchy, rifftastic monsters with vocals that are spot-on and some simply epic soloing, with the Eastern-flavoured section of "Set in Stone" a real stand out that pips it slightly over "Hear No Evil" for best track. Live versions of "Through the Fire" and "Going Down" are also included, a blitzkreig of shredding that virtually segue into each other without a break and obviously recorded on a night when the band was absolutely on fire; they almost sound like they're about to burst into Maiden's "Heaven Can Wait" at one point.

The other track is a cover that the band was at pains to keep secret until the EP was released (and were surprisingly successful). LORD has a knack for unexpected cover songs, inserting bits and pieces of Europe, Bon Jovi and other such artists into their live shows, but by including Kylie Minogue's "On a Night Like This" on here they have utterly surpassed themselves. Even Machinae Supremacy doing Britney Spears is barely eyebrow-raising compared to this. Synth-heavy and featuring some breathy vocals from the gloriously talented Tania Moran, this reminds me of nothing more than Gamma Ray's version of "It's A Sin" and should perhaps be taken as seriously. Considering the mileage Frankenbok once got from their gimmicky cover of "Don't Call Me Baby", this could lead to a considerable level of airplay but it could also leave them open to ridicule to outsiders who just don't get the joke. It's either the smartest or the dumbest thing LORD has done.

"Hear No Evil" will no doubt please both long-time fans hankering for the next full-length album and newer ones who've caught the band live somewhere, but while "On a Night Like This" is undoubtedly a bit of fun, it's guaranteed to leave some people totally mystified.

1. Hear No Evil
2. Set in Stone
3. On a Night Like This
4. Through the Fire (live)
5. Going Down (live)

Rating: 80%