WORMROT: Dirge

Released: 2011

You can tell by the cover that Singaporeans Wormrot aren't ones to muck around. There's a sticker on the front declaring "This. is. GRINDCORE" and that's precisely what it is.

Busting through twenty-five tracks in eighteen minutes, Dirge is no more and nothing less than neck-breaking, bastard heavy bass-less grind and crust punk. Forget about silly samples and soundbytes from porn, Wormrot play unadorned noise terror. Songs roar by in seconds, some ("You Suffer, But Why is it My Problem") so short it takes longer to say their names. Each one is a brutal assault of ferocious percussive grind with an old school feel an lyrical approach like pre Earache-Napalm Death and ENT with no thought to melody and even less to structure. "Overpowered Violence" almost breaks into a groove for about three seconds; "Semiconscious Godsize Dumbass" very nearly becomes catchy. "Fucking Fierce So What" would give the late Seth Putnam a run for his money in savage, pointless brevity and "The Final Insult" could have been lifted off something by Nasum. If there is a criticism, it's that some of the tracks are just too short, but that's an accusation that could be levelled toward the entire scene, so that hardly counts. What counts here is the furious barrage of unrelenting, head-caving grindcore. You either get it, or get out of the way.

Wormrot are the real deal: pure, unadulterated grind. If that's your poison, Dirge is essential.

1. No One Gives a Shit
2. Compulsive Disposition
3. All Go No Emo
4. Public Display of Infection
5. Overpowered Violence
6. Semiconscious Godsize Dumbass
7. Spot a Pathetic
8. Evolved Into Nothing
9. Butt Krieg is Showing
10. Fucking Fierce So What
11. Ferocious Bombardment
12. Principle of Puppet Warfare
13. Deceased Occupation
14. Waste of Time
15. Stench of Ignorance
16. Meteor to the Face
17. Addicts of Misery
18. You Suffer But Why is it My Problem
19. Erased Existence
20. Back Stabber Mission Accomplished
21. Destruct the Bastards
22. Plunged into Illusions
23. Manipulation
24. A Dead Issue
25. The Final Insult

Rating: 85%

BURGERKILL: Venomous

Produced by Yayat Ahdiat and Burgerkill
Released: 2011

With my limited knowledge of Indonesian metal, I would hazard a guess that Burgerkill are somewhere near the top of the tree. Four albums into a fifteen year career and these Javanese lads have delivered something equal to anything you'd find coming out of just about anywhere.

Venomous isn't reinventing the wheel and is not the most original album you'll ever hear -- they wear their influences prominently -- but at the same time it is also something right out of the box. Ordinarily I would suggest that any band trying a mix of early Sepultura-style thrash, Morbid Angel, commercial metalcore and dashes of electronica would be doomed to fail, but not these guys. Somehow, they've managed to pull it off and do it very well.

Intro track "Through the Tunnel" incorporates snatches of techno to the point where I first thought I'd put in the wrong CD by mistake, but then "Age of Versus" erupts with a Beneath the Remains style attack and things only get better from there. The next three tracks all exhibit a furious, well-directed death-tinged thrash assault with enormous drums, mighty riffs and the versatile vocals of Vicky who allows himself some melodic singing in between burst of bellowing growls but never goes too far with it; I'd hesitate to call it "clean" singing the way it's come to be known these days.

Then, in the middle of the album they plunge into an amazing, beautiful acoustic instrumental called "This Coldest Heart". The shift is stark and dramatic, leading into the ominous opening of "For Victory", a melodic metalcore track that could sit comfortably alongside something by Shadows Fall. Then comes the hugely grooving "My Worst Enemy" that ends by dropping the album's biggest unexpected turn as the band breaks into about a minute and a half of something that's almost jazzy. But the surprises keep coming with the hidden track "An Elegy", a Killswitch-like metalcore song complete with strings that sounds like a totally different band. To top it all off it comes with stellar production and in a neat digipak with stylish, understated artwork.

Burgerkill has delivered a real surprise packet here, and with local distribution through Perth's Firestarter, Venomous is the perfect introduction to this chameleon-like band. An excellent release.

1. Into the Tunnel
2. Age of Versus
3. Under the Scars
4. Through the Shine
5. House of Greed
6. This Coldest Heart
7. For Victory
8. My Worst Enemy
9. Only the Strong

Rating: 90%

LACERATION MANTRA: Prolonging the Pain

Produced by Laceration Mantra & Joe Panetta
Released: 2011

Brisbane has a proud history when it comes to death metal and no band from that city stands out more than Misery and their bludgeoningly effective mixture of death, grind and doom. Featuring two of the people from that group in the shapes of guitarist Scott Edgar and drummer Anthony Dwyer, Laceration Mantra set to work in precisely the same relentless fashion.

Prolonging the Pain is non-stop bulldozing grind-flecked death metal from beginning to end. "Thrown to the Wolves" erupts with a brutal ferocity, with a stinging and savage guitar tone that is maintained throughout. Rob Rieff deploys some Benton-style double-tracked vocals and Edgar and second guitarist Michael Perry step up with some effective lead breaks in the likes of "Realisation", where a slower grind comes to the fore. "The Global Straitjacket" works in some tempo changes while Rieff's lyrics, unlike Edgar's previous outfit The Dead with their silly and occasionally non-sensical songs relating to gore topics, tackle themes like fear and manipulation. "Barney" shows the band's pure grind side as something of an ode to Napalm Death and there are also snatches of classic Morbid Angel apparent. Like the best bands though, Laceration Mantra don't merely ape their influences or regurgitate their history. They adopt them into a style of their own that is fast, brutal and menacing.

Prolonging the Pain is a fine addition to the local death metal landscape. The intensity of the delivery echoes the great Australian death metal tradition of bands like Misery and Psychrist and this can sit beside albums by those bands in comfort.

1. Thrown to the Wolves
2. Purveyors of Torment
3. The Innermost
4. Victims of Hate
5. Realisation
6. The Global Straitjacket
7. Surreal Reality
8. Prolonging the Pain
9. Barney
10. Blinders

Rating: 78%

CUNTSCRAPE/GORESLUTS/REZUME/MORBID VISION: Split My Bitch Up

Produced by: VariousReleased: 2011

Those filthy Perth bastards are back with more of their puerile and perverted porn grind, and this time they've brought some mates along for the ride. Split My Bitch Up features four bands spewing out death and grind that is depraved, ugly and stupidly fun all at once.

Serial offenders Cuntscrape kick off proceedings with some brutally heavy and groove-infested death grind fused to their usual array of pussy-obsessed lyrics and samples from porn films (although there is also a well-placed Pulp Fiction one). The 'Scrape do exactly what you'd expect, but they also do it very well because they don't allow the music to suffer for the sake of a sick joke.

Goresluts from Kuala Lumpur follow along almost identical lines, although they do have more of a pure grind style. Again, porn samples are everywhere, infiltrated by blast drumming, raw, fast guitars and the roaring voice of (seriously!) Sperm in Gore. Their tracks start off with a hokey bossa nova beat like the one those cheap keyboards come with, making for a nicely humourous touch.

Bali's Rezume are also fond of the porn sample, and use them as much as possible. Their style is primitive and undeveloped, as you might well expect for a band from that part of the world. Rezume really don't differentiate much between songs, all of which are built around rather similar sounding thrash riffs and a terrible, terrible plastic drum sound as well as Rizky's incredibly gutteral and raw vocals.

Tokyo based reprobates Morbid Vision sound like the only band that used a human drummer, who they then mixed way too loud, all but drowing out the catchy death riffs in their songs. Vocalist Shogun has a very low growling style that really fits their style of pure underground filth well, and Morbid Vision has steered away from the porn-obsessed themes of the other bands, finishing up with a grimy cover of Sepultura's "Biotech is Godzilla".

All told, it's generally tasteless, butt-ugly death n' grind fun. Split My Bitch Up may be purely for fans of the style, but those fans will not be disappointed.

1. Cuntscrape - March of the V.A.G.
2. Cuntscrape - Vaginomicon
3. Cuntscrape - Giving Head to Mr. Ed
4. Cuntscrape - Armed Hold Up at the Wank Bank
5. Cuntscrape - Teddy Got Fingered
6. Goresluts - Triple Cums in Bossa Bukake
7. Goresluts - E.G.S.
8. Goresluts - Karma Pussy
9. Goresluts - Demoniac Sado-maso Fucking Sluts
10. Rezume - Distimulasi Payudara
11. Rezume - Fucking Every Hole
12. Rezume - Shoot My Fucking Ass
13. Morbid Vision - Koenji Love Story
14. Morbid Vision - Harayama
15. Morbid Vision - Jedi Butcher
16. Morbid Vision - Biotech is Godzilla

Rating: 65%

AUTOPSY: Macabre Eternal

Produced by Adam Munoz
Released: 2011

When Chris Reifert and Danny Coralles put Abscess to bed after last year's disappointing Dawn of Inhumanity, it was really just a matter of time before Autopsy would stagger to life once again. For their first album in 16 years, the California quartet has upped the production values to bring it into line with modern expectations, thus leaving behind the dirty, crusty sound of their early masterpieces, Severed Survival and Mental Funeral.

Macabre Eternal might sound a lot cleaner, but that doesn't mean Autopsy has forgotten how to be one brutal and evil band. The opening track rips out a path of relentless violence that sets a tone of furious and filthy death metal. Then "Dirty Gore Whore" goes into an almost-Abscess direction with a berzerk riff and a breakdown reminiscent of Slayer with Reifert sounding like he's gone completely insane. "Always About to Die" and the cuts that follow revert to vicious slabs of brutal death that shift almost imperceptibly between tear-your-face off speed and slower slab-like parts.

Enter then "Seeds of the Doomed", where Autopsy gears down into a doomy sludge with a surprisingly melodic riff. It's so different from everything else, but still unaccountably Autopsy and close to the album's best moment. Following this are some weaker, non-descript tracks of which only "Born Undead" stands out. It's almost as if the band has used up all their ideas on the first half. Until, that is, "Sadistic Gratification" enters the picture, a sprawling, sinister 11-minute plus exploration of human depravity. A slow, doomy intro builds towards sections of wildly thrashing death metal that recede and then explode again to a gruesome climax of purely evil vocals and slamming riffs underscored by the screams and pleas of a female torture victim. It's creepy, hackle-raising, uncomfortable, disturbing and insidious, exactly what death metal should be. Macabre Eternal should end there, but Autopsy adds a jarring coda in "Spill My Blood" that veers between blazing thrasher and sludgy drone before a sudden finish.

All told, it's a somewhat exhausting 65 minutes, making it about twenty minutes too long with the inclusion of the various filler tracks around the middle but even so it is a solid return from some true masters of real death metal.

1. Hand of Darkness
2. Dirty Gore Whore
3. Always About to Die
4. Macabre Eternal
5. Deliver Me From Sanity
6. Seeds of the Doomed
7. Bridge of Bone
8. Born Undead
9. Sewn Into One
10. Bludgeoned and Bloodied
11. Sadistic Gratification
12. Spill My Blood

Rating: 76%

NECROPHAGIA: Deathtrip 69

Released: May 2011

For all their influence on death metal, Necrophagia is probably still best known for featuring Phil Anselmo as their guitarist for a few years in the 90s, and even then most people knew them just for that reason, without bothering to find out what they actually sounded like. Twenty eight years into their fragmented career, becoming a household name is probably neither an achieveable nor desired goal, but it is about time that Necrophagia is recognised as the true pioneering act they are.

Killjoy’s raspy shriek was the prototype for a thousand death metal (and black metal) voices and he hasn’t lost his touch nor his love of the macabre. With Deathtrip 69 he has probably made his best album ever. The production in reminiscent of Symphonies-era Carcass and the guitar tone is razor sharp. This is straight-up old school death metal the way only someone who helped invent the form could play it, with clever, deceptive arrangements that only unfold the more you listen to them.

In keeping with previous releases, Necrophagia sprinkle plenty of well-chosen horror film samples throughout, with “Naturan Demonto” opening on a snippet from Evil Dead as the song itself lurches in slowly like some benighted terror. Catchy riffs abound in the likes of “Beast With Feral Claws” and “Suffering Comes in Sixes” and “Tomb With a View” opens with a wonderfully spooky intro that could have been lifted straight off the soundtrack of a 70s Hammer classic.

The genuinely haunting ambient interlude “A Funeral for Solange” breaks the album up nicely, offering a creepy respite before the punkish thrash of “Kyra” – a tribute to Kyra Schon, the little girl zombie in Night of the Living Dead – featuring a guest appearance by Casey Chaos, and the death metal gallop of “Bleeding Eyes of the Eternally Damned” that ends on some cool double-tracked guitar harmonies. These in turn give way to the heaviest tracks, “Trick ‘R Treat (The Last Halloween)” and “Deathtrip 69” with its Charles Manson sample and storyline. It’s all killer.

Deathtrip 69 shows a real master at work, showing the young guns and their clone army of palm-muted, guitars-as-percussion bands how real death metal should sound.

1. Naturan Demonto
2. Beast With Feral Claws
3. Tomb With a View
4. Suffering Comes in Sixes
5. A Funeral for Solagne
6. Kyra
7. Bleeding Eyes of the Eternally Damned
8. Trick 'r Treat (The Last Halloween)
9. Deathrip 69
10. Death Valley 69
Rating: 82%

SYMFONIA: In Paradisum

Produced by Timo Tolkki
Released: February 2011

As the editor of Loud Online, you’d think that I’d keep all the cream and palm off the crap to other writers. But as it turns out I apparently love listening to terrible heavy metal because here I am reviewing the latest turd from Timo Tolkki. Once the brains behind the most over-rated and overblown power metal band in Europe, Tolkki eventually departed Stratovarius after a spectacular nervous breakdown. With the inglorious passing of his subsequent Revolution Renaissance project, his latest vehicle is a band featuring cast-offs from every other power metal band that’s ever existed. Also featuring ex-Angra/Shaman/Looking-Glass Self vocalist André Matos, keyboard player Mikko Härkin from Sonata Arctica, ex-Stratovarius bassist Jari Kainulainen and drummer Uli Kusch from every band in Europe, Symfonia is exactly what you’d expect from a group so named and containing such people. And it sucks.

In a word, In Paradisum is rubbish. In a sentence, it’s predictable, un-imaginative, uninspiring and bland, featuring the same ideas Tolkki ran out of more than a decade ago. If the name of the band isn’t warning enough, the cover art should suffice. Graphics like this belong on Final Fantasy games, not metal albums. The songs are dreary, without a single original element. Matos sings way higher than any human should be allowed and while it’s a credit to him that he does so without actually going off-key, a register this high becomes annoying very, very quickly – and this album is almost an hour long. Kusch phones in his tracks and Kainulainen does pretty much what he always did: stands around in the background of promo shots. Härkin is allowed some of the spotlight but, let’s face it, Janne Wirman he ain’t. Naturally, the real focus is Tolkki, which is sad because, like Yngwie Malmsteen, he’s simply relying on his name alone these days. But at least Yngwie retains the ability to make your jaw hit the floor once in a while, often when you least expect it. Tolkki can’t be bothered, instead content to merely serve up ten tracks of risably awful power metal pap. Every track on here could have come from any of the bands that these guys have been in before and Kusch alone has made this album dozens of times, and much, much better. No wonder he doesn’t seem interested. Neither should anyone else.

1. Fields of Avalon
2. Come by the Hills
3. Santiago
4. Alayna
5. Forevermore
6. Pilgrim Road
7. In Paradisum
8. Rhapsody in Black
9. I Walk in Neon
10. Don’t Let Me Go

Rating: 20%

MORBID ANGEL: Illud Divinum Insanus

Produced by Trey Azagthoth
Released: June 2011

It’s quite possible that Illud Divinum Insanus is one of the most anticipated death metal releases for some time, next to the new Decapitated set. And it’s equally likely that it will also rank as one of the most disappointing albums in the annals of metal. Indeed, it’s already begun. It isn’t even out yet and there is already at least one Facebook group mourning the passing of Morbid Angel. For many people, this is the band that not only perfected death metal, but defines it. Yet in less than an hour, Trey Azagthoth and David Vincent have taken that legacy and tossed it away like the photo of an ex-girlfriend smeared with shit.

Terrible Latin aside, Illud begins ominously enough, with the portentous, Mussorgsky-like “Omni Potens” full of drum fills, dark-sounding strings and chanting. But after such an epic build up, the whole thing falls immediately flat with six and a half minutes of totally misguided, half-arsed industrialised bullshit like a bad Front Line Assembly cover band fucking the Genitorturers and coming up with Marilyn Manson, but worse. Like the time Dave Rotten decided that the world really needed a remixed Avulsed album, “Too Extreme!” fails on every level, including the title, which is more like something Devin Townsend would call a song.

And there’s worse to come. “Radikult” is just terrible urban hip-hop that Trey probably found on the backseat of a cab after Rob Zombie had deliberately left it there. But even that pales in awfulness compared to “Destructos Vs. the Earth/Attack”, something else you’d expect more from Townsend, but only if he woke up one day without any talent. It’s too stupid even for him. And lame. Really, really lame.

The thing is that there are Morbid Angel tracks here. Both “Nevermore” and “Beauty Meets Beast”, stupid title aside, are as ferocious and filled with those typical Azagthoth slab-riffs as anything they’ve done in the past, and “Blades of Baal” has a killer breakdown groove. The real shame is that the first-mentioned pair of songs come in way too late, at eight and nine respectively, to be any real saving grace. Most of the band’s fans will probably have thrown it across the room in disgust by then, and the rest will still be picking themselves up off the floor from the fits of laughter induced by the idiotic “Destructos” and its ridiculous “Marching! We are marching! Destructos are marching on Man!” refrain like something out of an Ed Wood film written by a nine year old. Even the songs that aren’t poor attempts at cross-genre pollution are not very good: “I am Morbid” and “10 More Dead” wouldn’t have even been good enough to be on Heretic. And saddest of all, David Vincent’s voice has gone from sounding like a haunted tomb opening to the generic, unscary growl of the denizens he once inspired.

Some are already calling this the St. Anger of death metal, but that’s not accurate. St. Anger was the sound of a band trying to hold something together as their world went to pieces. Illud Divinum Insanus is that of a band crashing spectacularly and not even realising, and unlike Metallica, Morbid Angel don’t even have the rigours of immense fame to blame. Metallica spent three albums and more than a decade on devolving their sound; Morbid Angel has done it in one stroke, for no apparent reason.

Morbid Angel really only has one option now. They need to call the next album Just Kidding and come out with the most evil-sounding record of all time. But they won’t, because it sounds like they just don’t care.

1. Omni Poten
2. Too Extreme!
3. Existo Vulgoré
4. Blades for Baal5. I Am Morbid
6. 10 More Dead
7. Destructos Vs. Earth/Attack
8. Nevermore
9. Beauty Meets Beast
10. Radikult
11. Profundis - Mea Culpa

Rating: 25%

DEAD CITY RUINS: Midnight Killer

Released: May 2011

According to their bio, Melbourne's Dead City Ruins sound like a "hard rock mixture of Black Sabbath and Alice in Chains", which would be true if either of those groups sounded like AC/DC.
As it is, this album shows these rock n roll bastards to rock out with the same sort of gusto as Sydney's similarly-named and equally rock-as-fuck motherfuckers Hell City Glamours. Midnight Killer is basically eight tracks of blazing, hard n' fast rock 'n roll of the good old fashioned no-bullshit kind. "Where You Gonna Run" kicks things off with an impossibly catchy riff that actually recalls early 80s The Angels and from that moment the Ruins offer up a continuous feast of hooky choruses and kick ass songs.

The riff in "Damn My Eyes" is a killer; indeed it's hard to find one that isn't. The appropriately-named "Blues" is a nice slow burner toward total rock mayhem and drummer Drewsy gives "Highway Girl" a unbeatable pop swing. Vocalist Jake has an archetypal untrained wail that puts every song on the limit of control. Mix in a duck's arse tight rhythm section and Tommy's sharp lead guitar breaks and you can't go wrong. Dead City Ruins are the real deal. They rock, they rock hard, and Midnight Killer is a ripper.

1. Where You Gonna Run
2. Damn My Eyes
3. My Lai Massacre
4. Midnight Killer
5. Blues
6. Go to War
7. Highway Girl
8. Fallen

Rating: 80%

BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME: The Parallax: The Sleep Dialogues

Produced by David Bottrill and BTBAMReleased: April 2011
Strap yourselves in. That’s what it should say on the cover of every Between the Buried and Me release, and on this new EP it should be bolded and underlined. "The Parallax: Hypersleep Dialogues" is the opening chapter of what is promised to be a two-part suite of their idiosyncratic uber-cerebral metal, and if you’ve been on one of their journeys before then you know that this is going to be some ride.

Teaming up with mega-producer David Bottrill – who’s worked with no lesser names than TOOL, Muse and Dream Theater – has helped pull together the various strands of BTBAM’s divergent influences and proclivities to make these three immense tracks rather more seamless than the occasionally too-contrived The Great Misdirect. The complicated twists and turns, genre- and mood-shifts and sweeping arrangements do, of course, remain and there’s no real telling where the band is likely to go as the EP unfolds over a mere thirty minutes. It certainly isn’t casual listening lyrically either, as the deep and elaborate concept of interconnected dream-lives is possibly even more complex than the music. With regards to that, the band is at the top of their game and appear to be pushing each other towards new heights of virtuosity every couple of minutes.

It’s probably just as well BTBAM has decided to make "The Parallax" only the first part of a larger concept, because after about half an hour of this, your head might explode.

1. Specular Reflection
2. Augment of Rebirth
3. Lunar Wilderness

Rating: 85%

HEAVEN THE AXE: Sex, Chugs & Rock n Roll

Released: May 2011

Readers who recognise the names Manticore, Damaged and Abramelin will know them as three of the most extreme Australian metal bands of all. So the idea of members of each of those bands teaming up together would certainly be an intriguing one for those of us who remember or have ever been exposed to their brutality. And that's why Heaven the Axe is probably not the band you would expect them to play in.

Formed in Wagga Wagga as a straight-up rock band by Steve Watts and Phoebe Pinnock, after the pair moved to Melbourne Watts linked up with old buddies from the metal scene there and gradually moulded Heaven the Axe into a much heavier band. Sex, Chugs & Rock n'Roll is the result of that tinkering, nine tracks of explosive, sexy heavy rock.

Pinnock is a brazenly honest songwriter and her lyrics range from the angry ("Enemy") to the heartfelt ("Unconditional Love") to cheeky fun like "So Nirvana" in which she likens the local hoon hottie to the classic Nirvana line-up like a naive, coquettish schoolgirl. This song is HtA at their poppiest and shows their clear commercial potential. The ballad "Unconditional Love" has an almost Kasey Chambers vibe until it starts to really rock out about the two minute mark and the question has to be asked: Why isn't this song all over the radio? Elsewhere, Sex, Chugs & Rock n Roll is sheer rock heaven, but with a ferociously metal guitar sound and incredible heaviness that could only come from guys who used to play in death metal bands. Indeed, at times it seems like Pinnock's chirpy albeit powerful voice is almost too pop for the savagery of the rest of the band, and yet it just clicks.

Despite its poppy hooks, Sex, Chugs & Rock n Roll is probably too heavy to become a chart hit but it should become a solid favourite for those who like rock, because that's what it does.

1. Enemy
2. Masochist
3. Electric Wire
4. So Nirvana
5. (GI-intro)
6. Glue
7. Get Your Devil to Do It
8. Unconditional Love
9. Tails to You
 
Rating: 70%

DEMONAZ: March of the Norse

Released: April 1 2011

You would only have to have an inkling of who Demonaz is to know what this album is going to sound like, and you would not be far off. Obviously no longer content with just being a lyricist, the erstwhile Immortal man has teamed up with Ice Dale and Armagedda from I (for whom Demonaz also wrote lyrics) for his own solo debut.


It only takes a few seconds to dispel any remote fears that Demonaz would use this as a platform to expand his horizons, and with a title like March of the Norse that was hardly to be expected. This is as cold and as frost-bitten as any of those classic Immortal albums, evoking images of warriors trudging through snow, bending their backs against blizzards as they wind their way through wintered forests and icy peaks. Yes, to some degree, March of the Norse is very much like Immortal with Demonaz singing, with its frigid atmosphere and its lyrical obsession with snow, woodlands, mountains and battle. But what this really sounds like is Bathory, or, perhaps more accurately, Bathory with some added Motorhead and Venom. Demonaz’ vocal has a distinctly Quorthon-like aspect about it and the music borrows from the same catalogue, although this is no mere copy. Guitarist Ice Dale is of course a member of Enslaved, so he brings a deft sense of melody to the table as well as some undorned but effective soloing that adds some sparkle.

If there’s one criticism, it’s that it all sounds very much the same, like one big long epic song broken into smaller pieces. At just on 40 minutes, it’s both short and catchy enough that this doesn’t become a problem, but it does leave one feeling that Demonaz may have been playing a little bit too safe. Regardless, this is a fine way for him to return from the shadows.

1. Northern Hymn
2. All Blackened Sky
3. March of the Norse
4. A Son of the Sword
5. Where Gods Once Rode
6. Under the Great Fires
7. Over the Mountains
8. Ode to Battle
9. Legend of Fire and Ice

Rating: 72%

SIRENIA: The Enigma of Life

Produced by Morten Veland

Released: 2011

Sirenia came about when Morten Veland split from Tristania at their creative height, just over a decade ago. He quickly asserted himself with a couple of Gothic metal masterpieces, At Sixes and Sevens and An Elixir for Existence. Since then, he hasn't really lived up to expectations.


The Enigma of Life is Sirenia's fifth album, and the second with vocalist Ailyn but it isn't close to the standard of even The 13th Floor, of which this actually sounds like a half-baked copy. The songwriting is lazy and predictable to the point where every track is virtually indistinguishable from the one before and after. Ailyn's vocal style starts and ends with a sweet, syrupy chirp with no variation whatsoever. Veland adds some lame growls and phoned-in cleans and tries to vary things by chucking in some choir parts he found laying around the studio after Therion had left, but this just makes it worse. The riffs are so soft and so lazy they make Lacuna Coil's look varied and technical and the poppy keyboard tone is just very, very annoying.

This is a staggeringly ordinary album that defines the word "generic". It's boring, uninteresting, uninventive, tepid, hollow and flat, and should be avoided at all costs.

1. The End of it All
2. Fallen Angel
3. All My Dreams
4. This Darkness
5. The Twilight in Your Eyes
6. Winter Land
7. A Seaside Serenade
8. Darkened Days to Come
9. Coming Down
10. This Lonely Lake
11. Fading Star
12. The Enigma of Life

Rating: 25%

GAY PARIS: The Skeleton's Problematic Granddaughter

Produced by Dave Hammer
Released: April 2011

Imagine, if you can, what it would be like if Clutch got together with Chrome Division and then invited Tom Waits and Hank Williams III over for a jam. Not only would whatever town they were in run out of alcohol, but the result might sound something like this.


The Skeleton's Problematic Granddaughter is the debut release for Gay Paris, a four piece who could be quite adequately described as not wholly conventional. The nine tracks here are the result of breeding a truly gnarled and ugly, swamp-dwelling rock beast with sludgy blues, roots, psychobilly and outlaw country. If that wasn't enough, the songs are linked by a barely coherent theme entangled in gloriously insane poetry. "Pregnant pervert ghost quiver sweetheart, quaint rooms on a negligee street/Dereliction, you're a homeless rose on a brimstone teat" HW Monks barks in a ragged, broken growl, invoking frankly bizarre metaphors and innuendo throughout the band's exploration of the titular character's life. It would all mean nothing if the songs weren't actually good though, and they are, riddled with infectious hooks and grooves so catchy the album is over before you know it. Just check out "House Fire in the Origami District" for not only some genuine rock-out goodness but songtitle of the year, or "Soliloquy from Ether Station" for some bluegrass Gospel music if it was made in Hell.

It may take a few listens to really appreciate what Gay Paris has done here, but this is a stellar recording from a very different band. Those looking for some really unexpected hard rock music should put this on the top of their list.

1. Turns Out You're Not a Cowgirl After All
2. Deadrie Fell's Dog Park Blues
3. Future Wolf and the Gay Parisian Milk Incident
4. House Fire in the Origami District
5. And Lo! She Beheld the Pale Surgeon
6. The Black Tooth Supper Club
7. My First Wife? She Was a Fox Queen
8. Soliloquy from Ether Station
9. Skyship of the Contrabandistor

Rating: 75%

PUSHKING: The World as We Love It

Produced by Fabrizio Grossi
Released: February 2011

[The scene opens on a rehearsal space somewhere in Russia. Five guys who define the term "ageing rocker" are sitting around the room]


Roman Nevelev: Hey Koha, we've been playing these bad 80s power ballads for years and we are still not rock stars! What to do?


[Konstantin "Koha"Shustarev puts down his crack pipe]


Koha: I know! I will write list of people to sing and play on album, then I shall ring Rock Headquarters in America. They will help us. [writes list]


Dmitriy Losev: [reads list] Steve Vai? Nuno Bettencourt? Billy Gibbons? Joe Bona-fucking-massa? What do I play on album now?


Koha: Hahah. You funny.


[Cut to Rock Headquarters. The phone rings]


Keri Kelli: Yo, Rock Headquarters! Hiya, Koha. The album is called what? You wanna do what? Well... um... send me the list and I'll see if they're available.


[Tears list off fax. Walks back to phone, reading]


Kelli: ...Graham Bonnet ...Alice ...Paul Stanley. Wow, really? ...Glenn and Joe ...JLT


[He looks up and sees Steve Vai.]


Kelli: Hey Steve, you wanna play on a song called "My Reflections on Seeing the 'Schindler's List' Movie"?


Steve Vai: Are you making fun of me?


[Sometime later, backstage at a venue somewhere. Billy Gibbons answers the phone]


Billy Gibbons: Oh yeah guys, yes I got the song. I can do it now if you like. I'll just sing into the phone. How will that be? A solo too? [deep sigh] OK. What? Two songs!


[A glamorous bedroom. A girl in a bikini walks over to the bed with a phone. Paul Stanley looks up from counting a huge pile of money]


Paul Stanley: Sure, I'm not doing anything! Yes, of course I love the song. The money's been wired to my account, yes?

None of this probably happened, but I'd like to think that it did, because that would make this at least as awesome as Spinal Tap. In fact, Pushking is what Spinal Tap would be if they were a real band, came from Russia, and wrote diabolical melodic rock power ballads. And sucked. Really, really sucked.

The World as We Love It features some of the worst melodic rock songs I've ever heard. There's nothing about them that's good. They aren't even so-bad-they're-good. They're just fucking atrocious. Even the performances by some of the greatest names in rock - Alice Cooper, Paul Stanley, Billy motherfucking Gibbons - are poor, like they were all embarassed to be part of it but couldn't say no because Russian Mafia guys were holding their families hostage. There's really no other way to explain it. I mean just look at this list of guests: Nuno Bettencourt. Steve Lukather. Joe Bonnamassa. Joe Lynn Turner. Jeff Scott Soto. Dan McCafferty. John Lawton. And none of them can save it. Not even Glenn Hughes!

This album is so bad it made me wish I was listening to Limp Bizkit instead. I would have been less ashamed if I'd been caught masturbating outside a school.

1. Intro
2. Nightrider
3. It''ll be OK
4. Troubled Love
5. Stranger's Song
6. Cut the Wire
7. My Reflections After Seeing the 'Schindler's List' Movie
8. God Made Us Free
9. Why Don't You?
10. I Believe
11. Tonight
12. Private Own
13. Open Letter to God
14. Nature's Child
15. I Love You
16. Head Shooter
17. Heroin
18. My Simple Song
19. Kukarracha

Rating: 10%

SEGRESSION: Never Dead

Produced by Chris Rand
Released: April 2011

When Segression slipped off the radar almost a decade ago they were still at the top of their game. While their self-titled album had come in for some pretty heavy criticism, they were still touring strongly and remained highly popular. Like the sorely-missed Alchemist (what is the story there?), they just sort of stopped. Perhaps because they never came to an inglorious and ignominious end like so many others, when they returned last year to tour with Fozzy there were as many people there to see them as there was for the headliner. Since then anticipation has been high for the release of this new album. At least one review has already called it the best Australian metal album ever, and while I'm not about to go that far, it is certainly not a disappointment for those Segression fans who've been waiting nine years for a new release.


Never Dead is by far the most diverse and consistent album this band has yet made. Unlike previous albums, which occasionally steered a course rather too close to their influences, on Never Dead Segression answers to no one. Really, this doesn't sound much like any other band that's around at the moment. More than anything they've done before, Segression defines what they are with this release. It still bears the band's hallmarks and the distinctive riffing style, the squeal of pinch harmonics and Chris Rand's idiosyncratic vocal delivery will definitely please the fans.

One of the major criticisms levelled at Segression in the past was their stylistic shift from the aggressive Machine Head-style thrash bristling with guitar solos to the chugging, breakdown-laden style of later on. On Never Dead the band has embraced both aspects of their past and turned them into a cohesive whole. The riff-heavy "Blood Lace Black Day" takes the lead strongly and is it apparent that soloing is very much a part of Segression’s oeuvre once more. Timely injections of lead guitar serve to add an element of venom to Segression's already spiteful sound in tracks like "The Wishing Well", "Gaspipe" (that hearkens back to the L.I.A. days) and the epic and heavy "L.T.P.C.". Later, in "Let Me Be Me" Rand drops some hard rhyming over the extended breakdown on a track that recalls the Smile album. Then out of nowhere they thrown in a complete surprise, slipping in the two-part, Zakk Wylde-like "Reality Playroom" that sounds like nothing they've ever done before and on the infectious "Candleneck" they hit on something that stands apart from most of the metal currently circulating.

Never Dead isn’t just a comeback. It’s more like a mission statement, and that mission is to play what they play on their own terms, just like before. Old fans, take note: Segression is back. New fans, take the same note.

1. Blood Lace Black Day
2. Never Dead
3. Hero Anthem
4. The Wishing Well
5. Gaspipe
6. Reality Playground Pt. 1
7. Reality Playground Pt. 2
8. L.T.P.C.
9. Let Me Be Me
10. Candleneck
11. Shattering of a Dream
12. Misery

Rating: 85%

CLAGG: Lord of the Deep

Produced by Clagg and Jason PC
Released: 2011

There's few things I like better than a good doom record, and Melbourne veterans Clagg know how to make really good doom records. With the first pressing sold out, Obsidian Records has re-released this in a slightly variant configuration, and fans of epic-scale riff thunder should rejoice. Lord of the Deep is like a vast submarine behemoth slowing uncoiling itself from the bottom of the sea and rising inexorably toward the surface, intent on crushing everything it finds, rather like the monstrocity detailed in Boyd Potts' typically disturbed artwork.


To give you some idea of the scope of this recording, its six songs sprawl across 67 minutes. The enormous opener "Carrion" takes almost five minutes to build up into its signature riff; at the six minute mark it shifts a gear into a nice mid-paced groove, then changes pace again further on as it spreads it murky tendrils across more than quarter of an hour of ultimate doom. "Lord of the Deep" emerges next, with a minute of feedbacking guitars then making way for a thunderous rumble that slows down so much into the third minute that it makes diSEMBOWELMENT sound like a speed metal band, and at the halfway mark it gets more glacial still. The word "epic" could have been invented to describe this track. "Buried" with its dirty guitars ups the tempo slighty, but it's still long enough for light from the Sun to reach the earth's surface before its over. And as huge as the riffs are in these songs, it's possible that "Devour the Sun" is even more immense as it too slowly grinds out over a ten-minute period. This new version concludes with a faithful cover of Iron Monkey's "Big Loader" that fits right in to Clagg's monstrously sludgy vision.

Lord of the Deep is an evil-sounding, gradually-unfurling picture of musical enormity, the perfect accompaniment to a gloomy afternoon rolling into a stormy evening.

1. Carrion
2. Lord of the Deep - i. They Dream Fire ii. At the Rising of the Storm
3. Buried
4. The Harvest
5. Devour the Sun
6. Big Loader

Rating: 90%

FRANCIS ROSSI - Live at St Luke's London

Released April 2010

Status Quo was one of the most boring bands on Earth, but despite this they moved massive amounts of albums in the 70s (sales now top an incredible 117 million) and their legacy of clod-simple three chord blues rock eventually led to band leader Francis Rossi being awarded an OBE. Live at St. Luke's London is Rossi chugging through a selection from his vast catalogue of samey-sounding songs with all the passion of a man being led to the gallows. You can tell what this album is going to be like just by the cover, which looks like the sort of thing you'd see old people buying from the bargain bin out front of the record store.

Which is what it is.

A nice catchy shuffle version of "Caroline" sets this off on the right foot, but it's almost as if this one song has taken up all his energy, like when your grandma dances like a monkey at your 21st for two minutes and then has to sit down for the rest of the night. The set quickly settles into middle of the road blues and country rock, like an Eric Clapton album if he played the same song over and over again. There's a reason why people still flock to see AC/DC while no one listens to Status Quo anymore. They may both use the same three chords, but AC/DC vary the diet across the scope of a set. Plus, they rock fucking harder than anyone. Rossi's hooks really are all pretty much exactly alike and this is one of the most pedestrian performances in rock history. While his son is a pretty handy lead guitarist there is no magic here whatsoever. Worst of all, this drags on for a mind-numbing 73 minutes of excruciating tepidity. For some reason, even though this is a live album, there's a slight gap between each song too. I wondered why that was for a moment, but then I realised that I simply don't care.

Perhaps your dad or even grandad might want this if they also have every Status Quo album ever, but surely if that's the case they're already boring enough.

1. Caroline
2. Claudie
3. All I Really Want to Do
4. You'll Come Around
5. Crazy for You
6. Strike Like Lightning
7. Tallulah's Waiting
8. Tongue Tied
9. Blessed are the Meek
10. My Little Heartbreaker
11. Electric Arena
12. One Step at a Time
13. Marguerita Time
14. Rolling Down the Road
15. Diggin' Burt Bacharach
16. Sleeping on the Job
17. Twenty Wild Horses
18. Can't Give You More

Rating: 20%

KEITH EMERSON BAND feat. Marc Bonilla: Moscow

Produced by Marc Bonilla and Keith Wechsler
Released: April 2011

The name Keith Emerson is writ large in the history of progressive rock. His 70s band Emerson, Lake and Palmer sit as one of the cornerstones of the movement and works like Brain Salad Surgery and Pictures at an Exhibition remain undisputed classics to this day.

Moscow is a two-disc live recording of Emerson's solo band taken from a show in 2008. While the set unsuprisingly focuses on highlights from both versions of ELP, it also features other material, including the very beautiful "Miles Away" and also "Marche Train", co-written with guitarist and singer Marc Bonilla from the self-titled album they were promoting at the time. Moscow is a showcase for Emerson's grand, showy and always engaging mix of bombast and elegance as the band works through sections of "Karn Evil" and an extended version of "Piano Concerto (3rd Movement)" and also highlights his songcraft with selections like "Touch and Go". The performance is staggeringly faultless and Bonilla's shiny, somewhat homogenised production gives it the feel of a studio album, however, somewhat detracting from the concert experience a "live" album should create

The highlight of the album of course is the 35-minute version of "Tarkus" which sprawls across the second disc, bracketed by Bartók's "The Barbarian" and a rock version of Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker Suite" . While some may not appreciate an already long song being made even longer, given the context of the song's theme and its popularity among Russian audiences it would be hard to imagine a more fitting climax to this performance.

For completists and diehards, this will of course be an essential purchase. It's also a decent place for the curious listener to discover a cross-section of Emerson's work without having to delve into the formidable collection of compilations and box sets he's amassed. A more casual audience is likely to find Moscow pretty heavy going however, but that's something that could be said for anything Keith's ever done.

CD 1:
1. Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression)
2. Piano Concerto (3rd Movement)
3. Bitches Crystal
4. Malambo
5. Touch and Go
6. Lucky Man
7. Miles Away Pt 1.
8. Miles Away Pt. 2
9. Crusader's Cross
10. Fugue
11. Marche Train
12. Finale

CD 2:
1. The Barbarian
2. Tarkus
3. Nutrocker Suite
 
Rating: 75%

URIAH HEEP: Into the Wild

Produced by Mike Paxman
Released: Today

If you're tired of what today's music scene has to offer, then Uriah Heep's Into the Wild may be the cure for what ails you. Recorded between December and February last, this album sounds like it just fell out of a time warp from 1978. It's like Mick Box and the lads have spent the last thirty years listening to nothing but their own back catalogue and the Gillan-period Deep Purple albums.


They kick the album off with a couple of decent if non-essential 70s-style hard rock tracks. I can understand them starting out like this, but really these two songs are among the weakest on the album, especially "I Can See You" with its cheesy "She's the candle that lights my room/Better watch out coz it's coming soon" line. Still, they let you know to be prepared for some rock, and the Heep certainly deliver. When the keys float in and the organ starts to surge at the beginning of the title track is when Into the Wild takes off as Box chops out a classic driving rock riff and vocalist Bernie Shaw really hits his stride. The catchy, organ-driven rocker "Money Talk" follows, with Box sprinkling bursts of guitar all over, and "I'm Ready" follows the same template. At this point, Uriah Heep switches to prog mode with the glorious six-and-a-half minute "Trail of Diamonds" that could have come directly from their fabled past and will surely bring a tear to the eye of any old 70s rocker in the audience. The back half of the album has its share of gems also, particularly the hook-ridden "Lost", although "Kiss of Freedom" is rather twee and I could have done without the 80s melodic rock throwback "T-Bird Angel". Overall however, this is really quite a good album that doesn't pander to any kind of modern trend whatsoever and wholly the type of album you'd expect from a band that's been in business longer than your dad has probably been alive.

For fans of classic rock, Into the Wild is like buying a brand new armchair that already has your arse-groove in it. Just open a few cans of KB and you'll be right at home.

1. Nail on the Head
2. I Can See You
3. Into the Wild
4. Money Talk
5. I'm Ready
6. Trail of Diamonds
7. Lost
8. Believe
9. Southern Star
10. T-bird Angel
11. Kiss of Freedom

Rating: 75%