Australian Idol: Grand Final

Well it's all over now and unless you've been locked away in an iron safe under the sea, you'd know by now that Wes Carr was proclaimed Australian Idol for 2008. That means for possibly the first time ever, the right person actually won the competition. While that may be arguable, what isn't is that next year's series has a lot to live up to. Apart from Johnny Darko, Sparkle Eyes and Tom the Kid, almost any of the other contestants could have won any of the previous series; certainly they were all better than Kate DeAraugo. So next year's auditions should be tougher than ever. It either that or can the whole thing.

But I can't see that happening.

Australian Idol: Final Semi Final

Well the journey is almost over for the finalists now. I officially stopped caring after the Invisible Bulletproof Man got the chop last week, because a win by any of the three blokes who were left would please me. Those three blokes comprise two guys who were already serious musicians with small-time careers behind them and a complete newcomer with uncanny natural ability and charisma. As I said on the very first of this series of entries, I've always been a fan of this show but this year has been the most enjoyable and appears to have really unearthed some people who truly deserved to be unearthed. Plus, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with Kyle Sandilands, he's infinitely more tolerable than Mark Holden. Indeed, if Sandilands was more like he is on this show more often, and less like the objectionable, opinionated idiot he is everywhere else he sticks his boof head, I would possibly appreciate him more. That won't make me begin listening to 2DAY FM, though.

So anyhow, after last night's reveal, Mark Spano was eliminated, leaving only the favourite and the dark horse in the race. It also means we didn't get to hear Spano's potential single, which is a shame because it had to be better than the one they've given to Luke. I like Luke and his version of "Stuck in the Middle With You" was cool; even if he comes second next week I can see him becoming a nuggety, blues-rock version of Shannon Noll. ie. Someone that blokes won't be embarrassed about admitting they like. But the song they've given him as his first single should he pull off the win doesn't actually suit him that well, because even though he sang it all right, to me it seems like something for someone with a sweeter range. Perhaps it was originally written for Teale, because it sounds more like a song he would have done.

That's assuming, of course, that these songs really were knocked together specifically for these guys; professional songwriters pump out hits over their morning coffee though, so it's quite possible. At least they're not offering up third-hand Diane Warren rubbish like they did with Casey Donovan.

By contrast, Wes Carr's song was perfect for him, though to be honest he could make almost anything his own. I kept thinking it had a very Stevie Wright vibe about it that perhaps was brought about by the vocal style, the 70s rock riff and the harmonica. The way he tore through "Get Back" the night before also marked him, if nothing else has, as the clear champion. Even if Luke pips him next week, which is highly likely given the shearer's immense popularity, we're going to be hearing a lot more from Wes Carr than we did when he was in Tambarlane (a band name that rings bells with me even though it came and went long after my four-nights-a-week gig-pig days were over).

Australian Idol 9th Finals Week

With just three weeks to go I am becoming increasingly fearful that the Bulletproof Invisible Man is going to be one of those in the Grand Final. Going by Luke's performance tonight, there's only Wes and Mark left to stand in Teale's way. More's the pity in that Teale was actually rather good tonight, as if he'd been waiting to get this far before really turning it on. His first effort was as bland and non-descript as always, but when he came back out later and did a Timberlake song everything just seemed to click. It's as if he's always been destined to do this style of music but until now didn't even realise it. He can't move like JT and is a long way from being JT but he finally made me sit up and notice him tonight.


That's bad news for Luke though, who looks to have come about as far as he can on the show. He sang "With Arms Wide Open" first, dedicating it to his newborn son, and with a newborn son myself the sentiment brought a tear to my eye even though I know this is actually a song about Jesus. He did this one OK, but fell a bit flat with "One of These Nights". Still, Chris Isaak rates him, and that's a pretty solid endorsement.


With Isaak on the judging panel, Spano took the audacious risk of doing "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing"! Lucky he's good enough to pull it off. "Everybody Hurts" was great too. Can there be any doubt this guy will be one of the last two left?

Wes kicked off with "When You Were Young" and even though I didn't think he was quite as good as he usually is, Isaak has already got him booked into an LA studio with the Killers' producer, making records. This is why Chris Isaak is a very cool dude.

Luke to go tonight. He had a good run though.

UPDATE 9.00pm: Teale got the bullet! Yay.

Australian Idol 8th Finals Week

Do I really need to keep doing this? With five people left, Wes is so far ahead of everyone that they might as well go straight to the Opera House next week. Still, there's always a possibility that he'll fall at the last hurdle and the Invisible Bulletproof Man will take the honours. Anyway, to honour the 25th anniversary of the release of the biggest-selling album of all time, tonight's theme was Michael Jackson songs. Mentor and guest host was his brother Jermaine, one of the more likable members of the clan, although his presence must have put the contestants under a formidable amount of pressure.

The Bulletproof Man headed up tonight's show with a MOR version of "Billie Jean" and just did what he's always done. If this guy was to win, I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to try and mould him into a genuine talent. He approaches every thing he's given with exactly the same formula; indeed, Teale is perhaps the most formulaic, colour-by-numbers performer they've ever had on this show. And that's saying something.

That said, Mark is the Rock Guy and does everything the way a rock guy would, so I guess he's being a bit predictable also. Unfortunately for him, "Bad" was obviously harder than he thought it was. The verses were flat and mumbly; he recovered in the choruses, but this could be the end of him.

Chrislyn stretched herself to the limit by attempting the most histrionic Jackson song of all, "Thriller" and wasn't up to the task (few people would be, after all). She's a great singer, but there's more to that song than just singing it.

Luke consolidated his dark horse status by turning "The Way You Make Me Feel" into a blues song, pulling off probably the performance of his life in the process. Without argument, he was the best up to this point and the one who's coming the furthest of anyone with no sign of stopping yet. He's a very, very clever guy who has every chance of going the distance.

Then Wes came on. A self-confessed MJ nut, he had obviously been perfecting this impression of the guy his entire life. To actually get the chance to do so, in front of Jermaine Jackson of all people, has perhaps been the pinnacle of his existence. Everything about his version of "Black And White" was spot on: the look, the voice, the dancing, the whole package. Wes is the best Idol contestant ever. There should be no argument about this.

Even though Mark was worse than him tonight, Teale needs to go, even if it's just because he's the only one I don't care about. And never have.

Australian Idol: 7th Finals Week

It's starting to get tough now with only six people left. The Rolling Stones was the theme artist on tonight's show, and I suppose if you want to choose a band other than the Beatles whose songs can be interpreted into just about any style then the Stones are it. Plus, they're just awesome.

Teale survived another bullet last week and lo and behold did the same old, same old with "You Can't Always Get What You Want" tonight. Everyone loved it for some reason though, as if he'd actually done something different to what he's done every week. There was really nothing special about him again. Why nobody sees this has me mystified, but he's likely to live on again because Roshani totally failed to nail "Wild Horses" in the same way that she has no idea about clothes. I guess her ethos of testing herself had to bring her unstuck eventually, and it could be that tonight is the night.

Everyone else was great, with Wes and Mark so far out in front only Teale's kevlar suit stands in the way of them being the last two standing. Mind you, Chrislyn is still in with a solid chance with only one stumble so far; her "Get Off My Cloud" was another triumph. Luke remains the dark horse and continues to improve with every step. Tonight he even looked comfortable on stage.

So, either Teale or Roshani for the chop this time, but Teale's apparently bulletproof. I'll leave it there because it's late and I'm buggered.

Australian Idol 6th Finals Week

The Motown phenomonon was responsible for some of the best pop songs ever written. They were simple, catchy and easy for an artist to interpret to their own style. So for any Idol contestant to have come as far as this, Motown night shouldn't be that much of a challenge because only the most untalented cretin could possibly mess up these songs. Inaugural Idol winner Guy Sebastian was a guest judge tonight, but he's such a nice guy that calling him a judge is probably stretching the definition of the word a bit. Perhaps "advisor" would be a better term; he released an album of Motown and soul stuff this year so I suppose he has some area of expertise in the field in any case.

As I said, it would actually be hard for any of these people to make a fist of it tonight unless their voices blew out so it was really a question of who was going to be the worst best or the least good. As usual, Mark and Wes have such an intrinsic grasp on their muse that tonight was going to be a walk in the park for them. Mark's "You Keep Me Hanging On" was perfectly restrained and Wes put plenty of his own personality into "If I Were a Carpenter". Chrislyn recovered from her stumble last week with a sassy "Get Ready" but Motown is so close to her preferred style that a misfire from her tonight would have been utterly unexpected. Forpossibly the easiest song she's done so far, Roshani didn't seem quite as confident as she should have been and sounded like she was mumbling a bit at the start, although she finished well. Luke's been nagged to try out his "sweet notes" for the past six weeks and tonight he actually gave it a bash. It's certainly the aspect of his voice that needs more work but I didn't hear any dud notes or straining so I reckon he did OK once again.

That leaves Teale and Sophie. Teale was the Invisible Man again, as he always is, not really standing out in any way and Sophie didn't impress one way or the other either. That said, she's had some moments where she really has shined and he's had none, so it's off with his head this week.

Australian Idol: 5th Finals Week

Well at last it was Rock Night on Idol, the episode I was look forward to and especially this year because I figured that all the people who are left could knock over the challenge. Most of them, anyway, as I had my doubts about Vietnamese John Farnham. Even cooler was that the mentors this week were Tim and Kirk from Australia's second biggest ever rock band, INXS and if that isn't cool then I just don't know what is anymore. Which could be true I guess. I was interested to see how Kirk Pengilly would work with his ex-mother in law on the judging panel though. Trust Dicko to be wondering the same thing and somewhat inappropriately actually ask them in the middle of the show.

Luke came out first for a tear through of "Are You Gonna Go My Way?". His voice is as good as it always is, but his efforts at showmanship are still a bit self-conscious

Thanh got a "Touchdown!" call from Marcia last week, of all people. That's not much of a recommendation really, and this week they're still going on about his range. I can't see what the deal is with this guy. For a dude who's modelled himself after John Farnham, he was struggling to sing like Chester Bennington tonight. The guy has to go.

After impressing me last week, Sophie started out rather badly. Somewhere a bunch of people were undoubtedly screaming about the irony of a hot blond singing about anorexia, but that was no concern. I just wanted her to do the song well, and eventually she did. Hated the start though.

Teale still isn't doing much more than what he needs to do to get through. Again, he picked a song almost anyone at this level could sing, and again tried to hide his stagefright with a guitar. And dude, when bona fide rock superstars offer some advice as to how to lift your game, fucking take it. Don't leave Kirk fucking Pengilly sitting there looking like a dick after he's given you some advice you've totally ignored.

Wes is already a star and tonight was the proof. I wasn't sure I wanted him to do another U2 song, but I forgot about that as soon as he started. He ditched both the hat and the guitar this week, looking every bit the true rock frontman instead, then clinched it by whipping out a harmonica. Classic.

When I heard someone was doing Foo Fighters, I hardly expected it to be Prashani. I give huge kudos to this chick because she tests herself every week. She rocked "The Pretender" about as much as a pint-sized chick can rock it and still make it work, which was pretty well. I'd like to see her get further than this show because she's not shy of a risk.

Chrislyn has been excellent every week but this week she totally dropped the ball. Hugely. Coming on after Wes was going to be hard, but that's no excuse. Not only did she choose a song that wasn't rock, she pretty much failed at rocking it up. Unfortunately for Chrislyn, her size is as much an opponent as the other contestants and fickle audiences will only give her so many chances.

Mark rocked hard as well, as to be expected. Depending on how he handles the rest of the competition, this year's crown should be between him and Wes. Everyone else is just amateur hour next to them.

I've given up trying to predict who'll go this time, although I've been right the last two weeks. I'd like to see Thanh or Teale go because they just don't deserve to be around. One tries too hard and the other doesn't try hard enough. Tomorrow night will tell.

Australian Idol: 4th Finals Week

Australian Idol always had a Beatles night until last year, when the 20-something "music fanatics" that qualified for the show complained that their songs meant nothing to them, which to me is like a dramatist saying they don't care about Shakespeare or a film-maker not knowing who Kubrick was. Nevertheless, this year the specialist artist night honour fell to ABBA, who were the Beatles of Europop, really. To be honest, it's been a very long time since I've heard either group's music though it does seem like ABBA turns up a lot more on soundtracks and the likes of late, so it does seem more reasonable to assume that people under 30 might have actually heard some of their stuff.

Either way, I thought it was going to be a hurdle for almost everyone, and I was right.

First up was Chrislynn, approaching "Mama Mia" as a bit of a pisstake. The intent was fine but it rang a bit hollow and ended up a little underdone and Dicko was spot on (as usual) with his comments about her choice of wardrobe.

Obviously an ABBA fan, Thanh outdid himself with "The Winner Takes It All", easily his best effort yet. He didn't sound quite so much like a tryhard Farnham tonight, although he did do a song I could hear The Voice singing.

Sophie took "Gimme Gimme Gimme" and Tricky-ed it up. This is the style she's been trying to pull off ever since she entered the show and tonight it actually worked. Good for her.

Wes was a real surprise, not because he did a top-notch job but because he sang "Fernando". For a bloke who obviously isn't gay, this was rather bizarre but he's so good it just doesn't matter.

Roshani came out looking like she had a steel rod up her arse for a cabaret version of "Money Money Money". The corset was probably a bad move, even though she looked as hot as, because her performance suffered a bit from her not being able to move very much.

Mark admittedly hated the whole concept of doing an ABBA song, but nevertheless came out and rocked it up with a version of "Waterlood" that actually sounded a bit Noiseworks. Never a bad thing. Dicko ripped him apart which was vastly unfair because he really wasn't that bad.

Madam Parker is the only contestant who has actually been getting worse and worse each week, and the trend continued tonight. Another one who was admittedly spooked by doing ABBA, she tried a showtune-crossed-with-hip-hop-diva style on "Dancing Queen" and screwed it up royally. Time for her to depart, methinks.

The only other entrant who actually seemed to dig the whole ABBA concept, Teale is nonetheless still "just there" for me, and probably always will be. He was a bit better tonight, doing "Thank You For the Music" as an acoustic pop-rock thing.

Finally, as the most unlikeliest singer of an ABBA song ever, Shearer Luke knew he had something to prove tonight, but even though he flubbed the words halfway through, his raspy-voiced rock take on "Knowing Me, Knowing You" wasn't bad at all.

Despite most of them being a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea, Madam was clearly the worst tonight. From one of the best to undeniably the worst, if she manages to hang on again tomorrow it won't be for much longer.

Australian Idol: 3rd Finals Week

In celebration of Oz Music Week, tonight was Australian Music night on Idol. This is always an interesting night for me because you never know which NZ artist will get chucked in the mix (because, obviously, New Zealand is actually a part of Australia when it comes to music). Tonight's guest judge was Darren Hayes who was also responsible for picking Blonde Bombshell as a contestant so I was interested to hear what he'd be like as a critic. As it turned out, he was quite good. The singers have warmed to the challenge now and most of them are beginning to really hit their stride, so it was a no-brainer that picking the best was going to be tough.

Vietnamese John Farnham was first up tonight and surprised no one by attempting to sing the Real John Farnham. Not only that, but he tried the most histrionic one of all: "You're the Voice". He still sounds like a try-hard this bloke, but the judges were kinder to him this week.

Chrislyn (yep, ditched her nickname coz she deserves it) also went for the histrionics, taking a crack at "Chains" but unlike Tahn she carried it off. I was worried at first that she was only capable of making a good fist of black soul songs but after the last two weeks I'm not sure there's anything she can't do.

Despite the theme being Australian songs, The Kid sang an Evermore tune which should have been an instant disqualification because they're from New Zealand. Only Dicko mentioned this and seems as annoyed as I always am about the way the Aussie music scene adopts Kiwi bands as its own. Totally apart from that, The Kid was better tonight, but he still sings flat and sucks. Hines told him he was "solid" and "good" which shows how effective a judge she is.

Teale was better tonight too, but he still doesn't really stand out. Plus, he did "Black Fingernails, Red Wine", which is hardly a stretch for anyone who's come this far on this show. I've actually thought of a nickname for him now, but it's too late to use it now that I'm not really going to be using them anymore.

Roshani likes to test herself. Last week she took on Tina Turner. This week she went for Renee Geyer. And she gave it a pretty good crack too. Shame she won't get any votes because not enough people will know the song.

Wes is a champ. He knows what song to sing every time and he nails it every time. It's a bit of a shame he's had to go on this show to make a name for himself because he should already have one.

I thought Luke was going to blow it tonight because he just doesn't have the range for "Flame Trees". And he doesn't. He wasn't as good as he usually is, but he still rocked and got through a hard song pretty well for a guy who'd lost his voice.

The Blonde Bombshell really stepped up a level tonight. I wouldn't know a Potbelliez song if I tripped over one, but she did a good job in stripping it back to a style she seems comfortable with. The judges have been crapping on about her potential for a couple of weeks now, but it's only now that I can see any beyond looking good.

Mark showed Vietnamese John Farnham how to sing a John Farnham song, and that's with restraint, dammit! I don't think he was quite as good as usual either because he was thinking too much, but he's still better than everyone except Wes and Chrislyn.

Madam impressed me at first, but she's slipping more and more each week. She doesn't have the personality to pull off a convincing Veronicas cover, as she proved tonight.

So tonight's bottom three for mine were Tanh, Tom and Madam. Of course Tom will get saved by the training bra brigade so it will probably be someone totally unexpected like Blondie, because no amount of owning the stage can guard against being voted off by jealous bitches. I have to say that Darren Hayes was a pretty good guest judge too. He was insightful, interesting and he judged people on their merits, unlike the diva beside him who still can't find it in herself to criticise anyone for anything apart from their dress sense.

UPDATE: 290908 2033. For once, I was actually not surprised by who got in the bottom three, but I was surprised that the teenybopper brigade weren't strong enough to keep Tom for getting the boot. About time. Tip for the judges for next year: Don't put a pretty-looking 16yo boy who can barely sing into the final 12.

Australian Idol: 2nd Finals Week

This week was 80s Night and to add a little bit of 80s cred to proceedings the producers decided that a bit of cross-promotion for the new Cyndi Lauper album was in order and added her as a guest judge. While she did have a couple of good things to say, in the end she was as effectual as Marcia Hines, even telling Tom Williams that he did OK when he was and is clearly the worst Top 12 finalist on the show ever. Ricki-Lee did nothing again, but they did put a giant pic of her ample derrier on the big screen for a little while at one point, so the old pervs got their money's worth.

Now for the performances:

The Shearer ditched the longsleeve black tees and busted out "Jack and Diane" pretty damn well, shedding his shyness for a run around the stage. I thought he actually forgot the words for a second but no one said anything.

Sparkle Eyes looked like sex on a stick, which probably isn't something a guy my age should say about a 16 year old, but it's true. She was actually good for the first time and made "Bette Davis Eyes" sound like it was being sung by a woman.

Madam tried something a bit different tonight and didn't really quite pull it off as well as she has before. I think she forgot the words too but she looked good, and we all know how important that is.

Rock Guy pulled on his bravery pants to try "I Want to Know What Love Is" but is astute enough to realise that no one can sing quite like Lou Gramm, so he sang it like Rock Guy. If he doesn't win this thing, they should stop making this show.

The Kid is just embarrassingly bad. He's like some spoiled brat singing to a bunch of mums at a Westfields talent quest. I can't figure out how he got into the Top 12 instead of just about anyone else. Even that wrestler guy who cried.

The Big Girl showed her mettle tonight, showing a different side to her abilities with an excellent take on "True Colors". I'm not sure what a 17 year old has gone through to pull off that song that well, but she was inside those lyrics tonight.

Teale was OK this week. Better than last week, but nothing great. Nothing really grabs me about this dude. He's neither awful nor great. Just there.

The Blonde Bombshell actually sang tonight, instead of that breathy little gasp she normally does. When I found out she was doing "Sweet Dreams (are Made of This)" I almost choked on my lasagne, until she started singing it. As Marcia would say, "Well done".

Nilsson was awesome tonight. "Dancing in the Dark" was always going to be easy for someone who can actually sing, but he made it look like child's play. If he doesn't win this thing, they should stop making this show.

Sexual Chocolate took on the original Sexual Chocolate and didn't quite pull it off. She didn't flub lyrics or anything, she just isn't Tina Turner.

Vietnamese John Farnham didn't know "Every Breath You Take" is about stalking. He also still can't shake the front he puts up. He was better this week though.

Overall, the only one who sucked was The Kid, although a couple of the better ones from last week weren't as good. It's harder to split them though. Best 3: Rock Guy, Nilsson, The Big Girl. Worst 3: The Kid, Teale, Madam. The Kid should go, but probably won't because all the teenies want to bop him.

Australian Idol: 1st Finals Week

It's that time of year again, when thousands of people who know nothing about talent cast their votes for a dozen wanna bes of varying ability to end up with a nine-month pop star. Yay for Australian Idol, the glorified TV karaoke contest that seems to attract worse and more embarrassing "contestants" every year. This show is actually a guilty pleasure of mine and I've watched every series so far. I'm not as tragic as the people who actually visit the official website and make forum posts about Dicko's shirts, but for some reason I quite enjoy it. Most of the criticism stems from those who believe the show doesn't represent reality, but if you ask me it's a perfect microcosm of the music industry: a bunch of good-looking people with a modicum of talent being presented by image-makers to a gullible public to find a superstar. If that doesn't sound like the real world, somebody better find me a better explanation for how Britney Spears can go from redneck cheerleader who could barely sing to massive entertainment figure.

This year it was decided there needed to be some tweaking done, so the first thing they did was get rid of that annoying prat Mark Holden which can only be a good thing. There's probably plenty who'd like to see Kyle Lardarse go too but while I normally can't stand the guy, on this show he's on the money about 85% of the time, and that's about 84.5% more often than usual. If there's a judge who should go it's Marcia Hines, TV's perennial winner of the World's Most Ineffectual Talent Show Judge and whose vocabulary of criticism extends to "Well done", "Watch your pitch" and "You go, girlfriend" like she hasn't been living in Australia for the last 35 years. If they were serious about having a female panelist capable of offering more constructive remarks, perhaps they need someone who isn't afraid of losing her fanbase by being a bit tough. Like Deborah Conway. She'd not only rip the bad ones a new arsehole but she and Lardarse would be blueing like no one's business. TV gold that would be. The producers have brought in Ricki-Lee Coulter as third host this year for some reason, although it was probably pnly to give the older males who wouldn't normally watch the thing some eye candy as she doesn't really do anything.

To the contestants themselves, and this year there's a mix of the usual borderline talents with those who really could have something, including a pint-sized Sri Lankan woman, an over-confident Vietnamese singing teacher, a shearer with a head like a robber's dog, a Maori single mum, an easy-on-the-eye blond, three schoolkids and a trio of blokes who style themselves after rock gods. Ironically, the bottle-blond Rock Chick who seemed to be in every scene of the promo leading up to the show didn't even make the Top 12, which could be because she really wasn't good enough or because everyone was already sick of the sight of her by the time the show even started. One Gwen Stefani in the world is enough anyway.

Tonight was the first finals night, the "pointy-end" where the Top 12 strut their stuff and get progressively booted off. The theme was Idol's Idols, where each singer chose a song by their favourite artist. Without any further waffling on, this is how it went down:


Harry Nilsson was first, although he doesn't look quite so much like Nilsson now because he's shaved his beard off. Still has the hat though. He came out and sang U2, plopping himself behind a piano for effect but he's good enough not to need to pull stunts like this just yet. Odds on to win at the moment apparently, but that means nothing on this show.





Teale came out next. I haven't thought of a nickname for him because I've paid zero attention to him until now. He did Rick Price's version of "Walk Away Renee", which is strange because he looks like a guy who tries to sing Barnesy songs at parties after a few beers. Hit a high note at the end that sounded odd.




It was somewhat appropriate for The Kid to try the love theme from a disaster film, because he was a train wreck. 16-year old virgins who've never had a girlfriend trying to do huge epic love ballads is like Adam Sandler trying Shakespeare: unconvincing and utterly inappropriate. He's thoroughly marketably though, which is the whole point but he won't make the distance because his fans will do a Ricki-Lee on him.




The Shearer is awesome. He's like Andrew Strong crossed with Joe Cocker crossed with the knockabout Ocker bloke who's always down the pub singing old blues songs on karaoke night. He won't win because his head's too rough.







The Blonde Bombshell is apparently actually a redhead. She has that breathy "Happy birthday Mr President" technique that I find really irritating. Dicko suggested it's because of her Marie Osmond teeth, but I can't help but feel she's bunging in on in an attempt to be sexy. Whatever, it shits me. She won't win because she too good looking but her range is too narrow anyway.

Lardarse came up with Sexual Chocolate for the tiny Sri Lankan chick, which is good enough for me as I'll probably stop caring about her after she's out of the competition. Nevertheless, she is a bit of a powerhouse and I'm glad the judges put her through because she's one of the better ones, even with the stumble in the semi-finals. She won't win though, because she's just too ethnic-looking.

Johnny Darko sang Pearl Jam's "Better Man" like some dude getting up to do karaoke for the first time. This guy's about as likely to be an Australian Idol as I am to win the Pulitzer Prize or write a decent analogy. Dicko mentioned that he's good mates with Eddie Vedder and belts out PJ songs in his car. Perhaps he should have had a go instead. It would have sounded horrible but been good for a laugh.

Sparkle Eyes decided to sex things up a bit and went uptempo but fell flat. Her singing career is stillborn, but a spot on Neighbours beckons.

The Big Girl was so good she managed to get Lardarse out of his chair to emulate Holden and give her a "touchdown". She knocked 'em dead, but so far I've only heard her do Aretha Franklin songs which might be a liability when she has to show she can do something else later on.

The Vietnamese John Farnham blew it and then had the temerity to try and explain why he sucked. Minor success in a boy band has given him an overconfidence that will ensure he'll trip up again and again. Unlikely to win anyway, for the same reason as Prashani.

Madam doesn't need a nickname because her real name already sounds like one. She's great. IMHO, it's between her and...

Rock Guy. If there's anything stopping this dude from taking the crown it's either people will think he's too old or that he's already had his shot with the band he was in. He's too good for this show actually, and really shows up how underdone some of the others (The Kid and Sparkle Eyes in particular) are.

My best 3: Rock Guy, Madam, The Big Girl

My worst 3: The Kid, Vietnamese John Farnham, Johnny Darko

Likely bottom 3: Vietnamese John Farnham, Johnny Darko, The Shearer

Possible evictee: Vietnamese John Farnham