Monday, September 29, 2008

TOE TO TOE: Threats and Facts


Produced by Paul Tag and Toe to Toe

Released: 1995

Like Mindsnare, Toe to Toe are true legends of Australian hardcore, a strangely ironic tag for a genre that often boasts about a lack of idols. Nonetheless, these guys were (or are, one can never be sure we've heard the last of them yet) one of the staunchest pillars of the local HC scene for the best part of a decade, and unlike their aforementioned Melbourne counterparts who come across like a punked-out version of Slayer, Toe to Toe had no metal in their sound whatsoever.

Threats and Facts was the first full length album for the band, released at a time when the Sydney punk scene was at its pinnacle and Toe to Toe seemed to play a dozen gigs a week. Sharp, aggressive and uncompromising, this is nothing more than furious, bare-knuckle punk rock driven by the razorwire guitars of Pete Davies and Justin Owen and fuelled by the raging, unsung snarling from the formidable Scottie Mac. With no pretensions of being anything other than street-level HC that stands for no shit and takes no prisoners, Threats and Facts is more intimidating and fearsome than almost any metal you could name.

I watched Scottie Mac and some of his mates punching on with a bunch of other dudes in the middle of Newtown one night, and that's pretty much what this album's like. Relentless, violent and punishing, all over and done with in the same time it takes to listen to three Opeth songs. Threats and Facts is a classic slice of hardcore no purist should be without.



  1. Season of Attrition
  2. No Allegiance
  3. Crutch
  4. Unguided Missile
  5. The Edge
  6. Goals
  7. Justice
  8. Chokehold
  9. Watch it Die
  10. Depend
  11. Something to Believe
  12. Think

Rating: 98%

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Australian Idol: 3rd Finals Week

In celebration of Oz Music Week, tonight was Australian Music night on Idol. This is always an interesting night for me because you never know which NZ artist will get chucked in the mix (because, obviously, New Zealand is actually a part of Australia when it comes to music). Tonight's guest judge was Darren Hayes who was also responsible for picking Blonde Bombshell as a contestant so I was interested to hear what he'd be like as a critic. As it turned out, he was quite good. The singers have warmed to the challenge now and most of them are beginning to really hit their stride, so it was a no-brainer that picking the best was going to be tough.

Vietnamese John Farnham was first up tonight and surprised no one by attempting to sing the Real John Farnham. Not only that, but he tried the most histrionic one of all: "You're the Voice". He still sounds like a try-hard this bloke, but the judges were kinder to him this week.

Chrislyn (yep, ditched her nickname coz she deserves it) also went for the histrionics, taking a crack at "Chains" but unlike Tahn she carried it off. I was worried at first that she was only capable of making a good fist of black soul songs but after the last two weeks I'm not sure there's anything she can't do.

Despite the theme being Australian songs, The Kid sang an Evermore tune which should have been an instant disqualification because they're from New Zealand. Only Dicko mentioned this and seems as annoyed as I always am about the way the Aussie music scene adopts Kiwi bands as its own. Totally apart from that, The Kid was better tonight, but he still sings flat and sucks. Hines told him he was "solid" and "good" which shows how effective a judge she is.

Teale was better tonight too, but he still doesn't really stand out. Plus, he did "Black Fingernails, Red Wine", which is hardly a stretch for anyone who's come this far on this show. I've actually thought of a nickname for him now, but it's too late to use it now that I'm not really going to be using them anymore.

Roshani likes to test herself. Last week she took on Tina Turner. This week she went for Renee Geyer. And she gave it a pretty good crack too. Shame she won't get any votes because not enough people will know the song.

Wes is a champ. He knows what song to sing every time and he nails it every time. It's a bit of a shame he's had to go on this show to make a name for himself because he should already have one.

I thought Luke was going to blow it tonight because he just doesn't have the range for "Flame Trees". And he doesn't. He wasn't as good as he usually is, but he still rocked and got through a hard song pretty well for a guy who'd lost his voice.

The Blonde Bombshell really stepped up a level tonight. I wouldn't know a Potbelliez song if I tripped over one, but she did a good job in stripping it back to a style she seems comfortable with. The judges have been crapping on about her potential for a couple of weeks now, but it's only now that I can see any beyond looking good.

Mark showed Vietnamese John Farnham how to sing a John Farnham song, and that's with restraint, dammit! I don't think he was quite as good as usual either because he was thinking too much, but he's still better than everyone except Wes and Chrislyn.

Madam impressed me at first, but she's slipping more and more each week. She doesn't have the personality to pull off a convincing Veronicas cover, as she proved tonight.

So tonight's bottom three for mine were Tanh, Tom and Madam. Of course Tom will get saved by the training bra brigade so it will probably be someone totally unexpected like Blondie, because no amount of owning the stage can guard against being voted off by jealous bitches. I have to say that Darren Hayes was a pretty good guest judge too. He was insightful, interesting and he judged people on their merits, unlike the diva beside him who still can't find it in herself to criticise anyone for anything apart from their dress sense.

UPDATE: 290908 2033. For once, I was actually not surprised by who got in the bottom three, but I was surprised that the teenybopper brigade weren't strong enough to keep Tom for getting the boot. About time. Tip for the judges for next year: Don't put a pretty-looking 16yo boy who can barely sing into the final 12.

Friday, September 26, 2008

SEDITION: World of Illusion


Produced by Sedition

Released: 2008

Sedition's first album probably wasn't the greatest introduction to the world. Several years on and this Brisbane combo has served up their sophomore effort which is such a vast improvement that it could almost have come from a different band. With only the guitarists left in the band from the Arcane Secrets days, however, that could well be the truth.

As clunky as Arcane Secrets was, it showed that Sedition had some potential and this is the flowering of that potential. World of Illusion gets underway with "Aurora", an intro track that ends with a great tolling like large bells. This sort of thing is such a cliche among power metal bands now that it marks them as derivative and uninspired right from the get go, yet while it's true Sedition is hardly re-inventing the wheel here they are doing a lot more than just stringing together a bunch of well-worn ideas like many other bands of their ilk. The next track floats in on a raft of spidery synths that give way to a nice piece of guitar work from Simon Kelly and then the album takes off rather well. The songwriting is strong and apart from what appears to be a slight stumble in the title track (which is made up for later on by a deft bass solo from Simon Polhill), the arrangements are much, much better. Sedition displays classic power metal pretensions but at the same time adds a heavier element in a similar way to LORD, a band with whom they draw comfortable comparisons (LORD's current bass player is actually an ex-member of this group); Richard Ofsoski's vocals bear a strong resemblance to those of Lord Tim at times, though there are occasions where his notes aren't quite spot on.

Overall, with World of Illusion Sedition has delivered some well-played, well-produced and well-written power metal on an album with plenty of highlights and some remarkably heavy moments. The album's two longest songs,"Blessed are the Blind" and "Sins of the Father" are the definite high points, particularly the latter with its abundance of solos from Kelly and partner in axe weilding, Sinclair Newey. These and "Beyond Redemption" are the heaviest too with an almost thrash-like crunch. "Last Man Standing" on the other hand is a bit of a dull spot and impedes the momentum but in the majority World of Illusion is a pretty solid slice of Australian heavy metal.


  1. Aurora
  2. Do You Believe
  3. World of Illusion
  4. Last Man Standing
  5. Blessed are the Blind
  6. Sins of the Father
  7. Beyond Redemption
  8. My Last Breath
  9. Utopia

Rating: 87%

Thursday, September 25, 2008

THE BERZERKER: Dissimulate


Produced by Luke Kenny
Released: 2002

Dissimulate saw The Berzerker take something more of a conventional approach to their brutal death metal onslaught than was evident on their insane 2000 debut. While the samples are still as overused as they were previously, the overt techno and industrial aspects of the self-titled album are virtually absent from this, and much of the grind element has been eased back as well. Quite why The Berzerker has chosen to do this is a mystery, because it was exactly that combination of components that made the debut so extreme and interesting, if occasionally difficult to listen to.

Without them, there's nothing to disguise the fact that The Berzerker's music -- at this point of their career -- was really just brutal death metal with ultra-fast drumming. The drumming on Dissimulate is fast, breathtakingly so, in fact, but once you get over the initial disbelief that a human being (Gary Thomas, from Perth band Plague) could possibly play at such incredible speeds, there isn't much to hold one's attention.

The tracks are brief and run into each other without much variation and the samples expounding on the same obsessive details of death and putrefaction that littered the debut become boring very quickly. Only 'Corporal Jigsore Quandary' really stands out, but as that's a Carcass cover it doesn't really count.

Dissimulate is still executed quite well but, drumming aside, it's not a particularly outstanding release.


  1. Disregard
  2. Failure
  3. The Principles and Practices of Embalming
  4. No One Wins
  5. Death Reveals
  6. Compromise
  7. Betrayal
  8. Last Mistake
  9. Painless
  10. Pure Hatred
  11. Paradox
  12. Abandonment
  13. Untitled
  14. Corporal Jigsore Quandary

Rating: 44%


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

RAINBOW: Rising



Released: 1976

With his departure from Deep Purple finalised, Ritchie Blackmore discarded the group who had recorded Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow even before it had been released, keeping only Ronnie James Dio and building around him a monster touring band: bass player Jimmy Bain, keyboardist Tony Carey and legendary sticksman Cozy Powell who up until this point had been languishing in semi-obscurity as a former drummer with Jeff Beck. Together, moulded into shape by the endless touring regimen even superstars faced during the 1970s, the now simply-tagged Rainbow would create a true neo-classical hard rock masterpiece: Rising.

Blackmore knew there was a lot riding on this album, and he threw everything he could at it including the Munich Philharmonic Orchestra. Most of all however, were six ripper songs leading off with an explosion of keyboard pomp courtesy of Carey that solidifies into "Tarot Woman", a solid catchy riff from Blackmore and the rich voice of Dio. "Run With the Wolf" is powered by a thunderous performance from Powell: for a band that had been little more than an ego project on its first outing, Blackmore really allows his supporting cast to shine here. "Starstuck" is just a plain rock-out track about an obsessed groupie and the bluntly succinct "Do You Close Your Eyes?" is possibly the shortest track in Rainbow's entire catalogue.

Possibly more than anything he'd done before, the second hald of Rising was the full flowering of Blackmore's neoclassical pretensions. There is no better example of this than the album's showcase, the ploddingly majestic "Stargazer", which not only features a complete orchestra but has Blackmore's Stratocaster sounding like a Stradivarius for his epic solo. After this, stops are pulled ever further with the extended wankfest that is "A Light in the Black", a track that could easy be the precursor to all DragonForce songs. Originally intended as an instrumental until Dio added his inimitable touches about open doors that need keys and other vaguely allegorical metaphors, in the middle is a spectacular duel between Blackmore and Carey that Sam Totman and his cronies probably have on constant repeat on their tour bus.

For fans of Baroque neo-classical hard rock, there is possibly no finer example than Rising.
  1. Tarot Woman
  2. Run With the Wolf
  3. Starstruck
  4. Do You Close Your Eyes?
  5. Stargazer
  6. A Light in the Black

Rating: 95%

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Australian Idol: 2nd Finals Week

This week was 80s Night and to add a little bit of 80s cred to proceedings the producers decided that a bit of cross-promotion for the new Cyndi Lauper album was in order and added her as a guest judge. While she did have a couple of good things to say, in the end she was as effectual as Marcia Hines, even telling Tom Williams that he did OK when he was and is clearly the worst Top 12 finalist on the show ever. Ricki-Lee did nothing again, but they did put a giant pic of her ample derrier on the big screen for a little while at one point, so the old pervs got their money's worth.

Now for the performances:

The Shearer ditched the longsleeve black tees and busted out "Jack and Diane" pretty damn well, shedding his shyness for a run around the stage. I thought he actually forgot the words for a second but no one said anything.

Sparkle Eyes looked like sex on a stick, which probably isn't something a guy my age should say about a 16 year old, but it's true. She was actually good for the first time and made "Bette Davis Eyes" sound like it was being sung by a woman.

Madam tried something a bit different tonight and didn't really quite pull it off as well as she has before. I think she forgot the words too but she looked good, and we all know how important that is.

Rock Guy pulled on his bravery pants to try "I Want to Know What Love Is" but is astute enough to realise that no one can sing quite like Lou Gramm, so he sang it like Rock Guy. If he doesn't win this thing, they should stop making this show.

The Kid is just embarrassingly bad. He's like some spoiled brat singing to a bunch of mums at a Westfields talent quest. I can't figure out how he got into the Top 12 instead of just about anyone else. Even that wrestler guy who cried.

The Big Girl showed her mettle tonight, showing a different side to her abilities with an excellent take on "True Colors". I'm not sure what a 17 year old has gone through to pull off that song that well, but she was inside those lyrics tonight.

Teale was OK this week. Better than last week, but nothing great. Nothing really grabs me about this dude. He's neither awful nor great. Just there.

The Blonde Bombshell actually sang tonight, instead of that breathy little gasp she normally does. When I found out she was doing "Sweet Dreams (are Made of This)" I almost choked on my lasagne, until she started singing it. As Marcia would say, "Well done".

Nilsson was awesome tonight. "Dancing in the Dark" was always going to be easy for someone who can actually sing, but he made it look like child's play. If he doesn't win this thing, they should stop making this show.

Sexual Chocolate took on the original Sexual Chocolate and didn't quite pull it off. She didn't flub lyrics or anything, she just isn't Tina Turner.

Vietnamese John Farnham didn't know "Every Breath You Take" is about stalking. He also still can't shake the front he puts up. He was better this week though.

Overall, the only one who sucked was The Kid, although a couple of the better ones from last week weren't as good. It's harder to split them though. Best 3: Rock Guy, Nilsson, The Big Girl. Worst 3: The Kid, Teale, Madam. The Kid should go, but probably won't because all the teenies want to bop him.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

ENLIGHTENED BY DARKNESS: Buried Beneath


Produced by EBD

Released: 2007

Rockhampton is possibly one of the last places I'd expect to find a metal band but the capital of the Capricorn Coast was precisely where these boys were from. Buried Beneath was the second CD from Enlightened by Darkness so they'd already had a bit of experience up their sleeves and spent a bit of time driving up and down the Queensland coast playing shows so they were obviously doing a few things right. The most important of these of course is making some decent music, and Enlightened by Darkness certainly did that.

Foremost, EBD was doing what a lot of other bands only claim to be doing, and that was taking a bunch of old school thrash influences and bringing them into the modern era. Almost everything I hear these days making that sort of promise turns out to be just another species of metalcore band, but I challenge the casual listener to find any hardcore element on Buried Beneath.

Instead, this album is wall-to-wall twin guitar melodic thrash. It has a modern sound and delivery, particularly with regard to the varying vocal styles, but in place of those boring and meaningless breakdowns and jumpy-jump parts there's searing and catchy riffs and bursts of lead guitar. Just the way it should be. The production is pretty sharp too, with just the right level of crunchiness and room for the rhythm section to also shine through.

The vocals are a bit of a let down though, especially the clean singing which sounds a bit thin and, occasionally, just plain odd. This was the one aspect of their music that Enlightened by Darkness needed to address. Unfortunately they split up shortly after this was released, but at least they left behind a pretty worthwhile slab of metal.

  1. Scum
  2. Whitechapel 1888
  3. Buried Beneath
  4. Bleed for You
  5. Take This Leper's Hand
  6. Accused
  7. The Blackest Alchemy

Rating: 82%

Friday, September 19, 2008

ANTONAMASIA: Keeping Nothing


Produced by DW Norton

Released: 2006

Antonomasia is an adjective that means an alternative name for something; Antonamasia is a band from Sydney that certainly has a different way of looking at things, blending two currently popular metal genres pretty damn effectively. The overall result is solid, but shows a group still yet to break free from its obvious influences. The label blurb that came with this ran a bit of a list of said influences, but tellingly the most apparent of these aren't mentioned. Almost from the very beginning of "Gone", once Cassie Lee Dallas' vocals find themselves after what seems to be a slight waver, Antonamasia sounds like a cross between Evanescence and Shadows Fall. That sounds completely bizarre, but it's true. Now, I'm not a guy who bandies around comparisons with other groups for lack of something to write, and I'm sure Antonamasia will hate the association, but in their case there's just no escaping it. It's not that they're merely soundalikes (although they do sound very much like those bands), it's just that the overall vibe of this CD gives that impression.

To take nothing away from them, however, 'Keeping Nothing' is a very impressive debut. Antonamasia is a talented bunch who have put together some catchy songs. I don't know which of the guys in the band does the metalcore vocals (it doesn't say anywhere), but they provide an vibrant contrast to Dallas' melodic leads. That a predominately metalcore band has chosen to use a melodic lead vocalist is interesting in itself; that they've been able to blend such apparently disparate styles so well on 'Keeping Nothing' shows a whale of promise. The production team of DW Norton and Darren Jenkins have pulled a killer sound and the artwork and packaging is world class.

The shadow of their influences may still loom over Antonamasia's music, yet they've executed it with an original twist that while not being to everyone's liking will certainly find them a lot of fans.


  1. Gone
  2. Keeping Nothing
  3. Still I Bleed
  4. Asphyxiation Theory
  5. Driven Away
  6. Shatter

Rating: 63%

Thursday, September 18, 2008

PINK FLOYD: The Dark Side of the Moon

Produced by Pink Floyd

Released: 1973


In commemoration of the passing of Richard Wright this week, The Sound Cellar has decided to take a look at what is undoubtedly his greatest work. Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon almost defies reviewing because it's so well known and so important that almost everyone has an opinion of it but there's no way to deny that this is one of rock music's defining elements, an immaculately conceived album that employed the cutting edge of musical and recording technology of the time and an unsurpassed masterpiece of progressive rock.



This was Pink Floyd's first full-fledged concept album, a dark journey through the human psyche that maps a path through insanity, beginning and ending with a heartbeat (the modified kick drum of Nick Mason) and winding its way through birth, death, the loss of youth, greed, despair and musings on the nature of madness itself. Tape loops and synthesised sounds helped to complete the band's vision, many of which were pieced together by the band and sound engineer Alan Parsons from taped interviews during the recording process. The Dark Side of the Moon was a portrait of a band using every ounce of new gadgetry available to them to create something that had not been attempted before, and it worked.

Unlike most of the band's work prior, the material on The Dark Side of the Moon was focused and linear, a successful reining-in of the ridiculous pretensions of albums like Atom Heart Mother that just rambled pointlessly, but without losing their progressive aspects. The compromise to more conventional songwriting did Pink Floyd far more good than harm and crystalised their vision for this album. Everything about this is just masterful, from the perfect harmony of Dave Gilmour and Rick Wright's uncannily similar voices in "Time" to the bass-driven plod of "Money" to the magnificent "Us and Them", one of the Floyd's career highlights.

While previous releases hinted at their genius and later volumes had some transcendental moments, The Dark Side of the Moon is where everything came together in total unison, an album for the ages the likes of which will never be seen again.





  1. Speak to Me
  2. Breathe
  3. On the Run
  4. Time
  5. The Great Gig in the Sky
  6. Money
  7. Us and Them
  8. Any Colour You Like
  9. Brain Damage
  10. Eclipse

Rating: 100%

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

THE HAUNTED: Versus



Produced by Tue Madsen and The Haunted

Released: September 22


It's frustrating being a fan of The Haunted because you just don't know if what they release is going to blow you away or leave you wanting to blow them away. The first album was rather good, the second OK and the third was rubbish. Then on rEVOLVEr they came storming back with one of 2004's best before throwing everyone a curve-ball with The Dead Eye, a kind of sludgy, semi-concept off-the-wall piece that was nothing like anything they'd done before and successfully polarised their audience into those who thought it was a masterpiece (like me) and those who detested it with all their being (plenty of others). Album number six is probably going to do the same.

In a nutshell, while Versus is being promoted as a return to basics, it is essentially a combination of the groove-laden melodic thrash of earlier times and the more experimental parts of The Dead Eye with metalcore thrown in. "Moronic Colossus" is a thunderous metal assault as album opener, with a sharp guitar sound and Peter Dolving's hardcore-style bark ripping out of the speakers. This is The Haunted at their metallic best, firing on all cylinders and fuelled by a enormous pounding groove. With Tue Madsen at the controls, the mix is heavy with razor-like guitar, but all the elements are in tight harmony. "Pieces" and "Little Cage" continue the onslaught. The appropriately-titled "Crusher" is nothing but a true ball of face-ripping fury played at blinding speed, perfectly placed after the creeping interlude of "Skuld", reminiscent of the darkest moments from The Dead Eye. "Ceremony" injects an element of metalcore into proceedings, a move that may not necessarily be wholly embraced by some but coming from a band with members of At The Gates -- to whom metalcore owes so much -- it's perhaps not just forgivable but completely appropriate.

Towards the tail end of the album are a couple of tracks that vary the diet. "Rivers Run" is like some kind of blending of sludge rock and thrash, underpinned by a sinister throbbing bass line, and "Iron Mask" is another song that could have been at home on the previous album. "Imperial Death March" rounds things out nicely with a fat, mid-paced, apocalyptic chopping riff and Dolving screaming his heart out.

This is a very good album from The Haunted, showing them once again to be far more than just another modern thrash band.


  1. Moronic Colossus
  2. Pieces
  3. Little Cage
  4. Trenches
  5. Ceremony
  6. Skuld
  7. Crusher
  8. Rivers Run
  9. Iron Mask
  10. Faultline
  11. Imperial Death March

Rating: 90%

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Australian Idol: 1st Finals Week

It's that time of year again, when thousands of people who know nothing about talent cast their votes for a dozen wanna bes of varying ability to end up with a nine-month pop star. Yay for Australian Idol, the glorified TV karaoke contest that seems to attract worse and more embarrassing "contestants" every year. This show is actually a guilty pleasure of mine and I've watched every series so far. I'm not as tragic as the people who actually visit the official website and make forum posts about Dicko's shirts, but for some reason I quite enjoy it. Most of the criticism stems from those who believe the show doesn't represent reality, but if you ask me it's a perfect microcosm of the music industry: a bunch of good-looking people with a modicum of talent being presented by image-makers to a gullible public to find a superstar. If that doesn't sound like the real world, somebody better find me a better explanation for how Britney Spears can go from redneck cheerleader who could barely sing to massive entertainment figure.

This year it was decided there needed to be some tweaking done, so the first thing they did was get rid of that annoying prat Mark Holden which can only be a good thing. There's probably plenty who'd like to see Kyle Lardarse go too but while I normally can't stand the guy, on this show he's on the money about 85% of the time, and that's about 84.5% more often than usual. If there's a judge who should go it's Marcia Hines, TV's perennial winner of the World's Most Ineffectual Talent Show Judge and whose vocabulary of criticism extends to "Well done", "Watch your pitch" and "You go, girlfriend" like she hasn't been living in Australia for the last 35 years. If they were serious about having a female panelist capable of offering more constructive remarks, perhaps they need someone who isn't afraid of losing her fanbase by being a bit tough. Like Deborah Conway. She'd not only rip the bad ones a new arsehole but she and Lardarse would be blueing like no one's business. TV gold that would be. The producers have brought in Ricki-Lee Coulter as third host this year for some reason, although it was probably pnly to give the older males who wouldn't normally watch the thing some eye candy as she doesn't really do anything.

To the contestants themselves, and this year there's a mix of the usual borderline talents with those who really could have something, including a pint-sized Sri Lankan woman, an over-confident Vietnamese singing teacher, a shearer with a head like a robber's dog, a Maori single mum, an easy-on-the-eye blond, three schoolkids and a trio of blokes who style themselves after rock gods. Ironically, the bottle-blond Rock Chick who seemed to be in every scene of the promo leading up to the show didn't even make the Top 12, which could be because she really wasn't good enough or because everyone was already sick of the sight of her by the time the show even started. One Gwen Stefani in the world is enough anyway.

Tonight was the first finals night, the "pointy-end" where the Top 12 strut their stuff and get progressively booted off. The theme was Idol's Idols, where each singer chose a song by their favourite artist. Without any further waffling on, this is how it went down:


Harry Nilsson was first, although he doesn't look quite so much like Nilsson now because he's shaved his beard off. Still has the hat though. He came out and sang U2, plopping himself behind a piano for effect but he's good enough not to need to pull stunts like this just yet. Odds on to win at the moment apparently, but that means nothing on this show.





Teale came out next. I haven't thought of a nickname for him because I've paid zero attention to him until now. He did Rick Price's version of "Walk Away Renee", which is strange because he looks like a guy who tries to sing Barnesy songs at parties after a few beers. Hit a high note at the end that sounded odd.




It was somewhat appropriate for The Kid to try the love theme from a disaster film, because he was a train wreck. 16-year old virgins who've never had a girlfriend trying to do huge epic love ballads is like Adam Sandler trying Shakespeare: unconvincing and utterly inappropriate. He's thoroughly marketably though, which is the whole point but he won't make the distance because his fans will do a Ricki-Lee on him.




The Shearer is awesome. He's like Andrew Strong crossed with Joe Cocker crossed with the knockabout Ocker bloke who's always down the pub singing old blues songs on karaoke night. He won't win because his head's too rough.







The Blonde Bombshell is apparently actually a redhead. She has that breathy "Happy birthday Mr President" technique that I find really irritating. Dicko suggested it's because of her Marie Osmond teeth, but I can't help but feel she's bunging in on in an attempt to be sexy. Whatever, it shits me. She won't win because she too good looking but her range is too narrow anyway.




Lardarse came up with Sexual Chocolate for the tiny Sri Lankan chick, which is good enough for me as I'll probably stop caring about her after she's out of the competition. Nevertheless, she is a bit of a powerhouse and I'm glad the judges put her through because she's one of the better ones, even with the stumble in the semi-finals. She won't win though, because she's just too ethnic-looking.


Johnny Darko sang Pearl Jam's "Better Man" like some dude getting up to do karaoke for the first time. This guy's about as likely to be an Australian Idol as I am to win the Pulitzer Prize or write a decent analogy. Dicko mentioned that he's good mates with Eddie Vedder and belts out PJ songs in his car. Perhaps he should have had a go instead. It would have sounded horrible but been good for a laugh.


Sparkle Eyes decided to sex things up a bit and went uptempo but fell flat. Her singing career is stillborn, but a spot on Neighbours beckons.



The Big Girl was so good she managed to get Lardarse out of his chair to emulate Holden and give her a "touchdown". She knocked 'em dead, but so far I've only heard her do Aretha Franklin songs which might be a liability when she has to show she can do something else later on.



The Vietnamese John Farnham blew it and then had the temerity to try and explain why he sucked. Minor success in a boy band has given him an overconfidence that will ensure he'll trip up again and again. Unlikely to win anyway, for the same reason as Prashani.





Madam doesn't need a nickname because her real name already sounds like one. She's great. IMHO, it's between her and...







Rock Guy. If there's anything stopping this dude from taking the crown it's either people will think he's too old or that he's already had his shot with the band he was in. He's too good for this show actually, and really shows up how underdone some of the others (The Kid and Sparkle Eyes in particular) are.




My best 3: Rock Guy, Madam, The Big Girl
My worst 3: The Kid, Vietnamese John Farnham, Johnny Darko
Likely bottom 3: Vietnamese John Farnham, Johnny Darko, The Shearer
Possible evictee: Vietnamese John Farnham

Saturday, September 13, 2008

BURIED IN VERONA: Circle the Dead


Released: August 23
Buried in Verona is a five piece band from Sydney playing melodic metalcore. I could almost leave this review there and most people would get a good idea of what this album sounds like, but that would probably be unfair. With the demise of I Killed the Prom Queen there is probably a dozen or more Australian bands clamouring the fill the void. Buried in Verona is no doubt one of them, but the reality is that IKTPQ probably broke up at precisely the right time.

On Circle the Dead, Buried in Verona use the template that the Adelaide pace-setters cut on Music for the Recently Deceased and virtually replicate it, making a good fist of it without really doing anything with it. Quirky and unwieldly song titles that don't seem to relate to their lyrics ("Colonel Mustard...") and others stolen from The Simpsons like "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" (which always makes me laugh) aside, Buried in Verona don't really seem to have much else to add to this well-worn genre. First track "Five Bullet Russian Roulette" and the three songs after it are actually pretty full-on metal with some nice snappy soloing and catchy if predictable riffs, probably owing more to an influence from Trivium or Lamb of God than anything. Had they stuck to this sort of thing it would have still marked them as soundalikes, but possibly with somewhere to go. "Taken to the Light" however starts the rot, a commerical metalcore track so formulaic even Prom Queen would have left it alone. The story is pretty much the same for the rest of Circle the Dead really. There's little that reaches out and grabs you beyond the opening few tracks and while all of it is reasonably well put together there isn't much to Buried in Verona's take on melodic metalcore beyond rehashing familiar themes and ideas that have already been done to death. Even the "confronting" artwork is nothing more than overly dramatic emo silliness.

Metalcore as it currently exists reached saturation point some time ago and what it really needs to keep it as a viable genre is a new band to come along with something new to inject into the field. BiV doesn't do this, to their detriment. Circle the Dead is a solid album, but completely faceless among a sea of similar releases and will most likely be forgotten when another one almost the same comes out.


  1. Five Bullet Russian Roulette
  2. All for Nothing
  3. Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the Lead Pipe
  4. Can I Borrow a Feeling?
  5. Taken to the Light
  6. Dirt Nap
  7. Face of Tragedy
  8. Circle the Dead
  9. Don't Call Me Baby
  10. For Darker Days
  11. No Time to Die

Rating: 52%

Thursday, September 11, 2008

PAINDIVISION: One Path


Released: September 27

With so many bands around all trying to either be certain things, break new ground or present the latest version of what's trendy, its refreshing to see there are still acts around just playing no frills heavy metal. Sydney's Paindivision is one of those bands, a band whose momentum should only gain impetus with their second album in just over a year showing plenty of development and maturity.

Paindivision's brand of straight-up heavy metal puts them somewhere in the ball park inhabited by groups like Motörhead and Accept. The production is stripped down, but clean and heavy with loud guitars churning out a good solid collection of meaty and catchy hooks. And while this is very much a guitar album, it benefits from a killer drum mix that shows off Joe Rahme's chops in this department. Several of the tracks have punchy drum intros paving the way for Stu Marshall's crunching guitar. Jordan Howe's vocals are raw and unadorned, harsh and angry with a style reminiscent of Dreadnaught, a band that these guys can sometimes sound rather like, particularly in their more aggressive moments. This technique doesn't always seem to gel with the more melodic aspects of Paindivision and Howe isn't quite as powerful as Greg Trull; conversely, however, his melodic voice in "Of Flame and Fury" is really quite effective, possibly because it just sounds so different. I could see the harshness of Howe's voice actually being a bit of a turn-off to some, which would be a shame because One Path simply abounds in good old fashioned headbanging metal.

"Flames of the Reaper" is a ball-tearer straight up, a furious ripping metal track with Howe in full cry and Marshall peeling off lightning fast guitar licks. "Face It" is also fast and heavy with a good hook and a nice "Fast" Eddie Clark-style solo in the intro. Indeed this type of description sums up a good proportion of the tracks on One Path as the band draws from its love of classic heavy metal to serve up chunks of driving, catchy riffage like that in "Nightmare" or the stumbling, dirty blues-inspired "Wasting Life". Marshall's leads are sweet and his melody lines in the cover of "Balls to the Wall" actually sound rather like Gary Moore's Wild Frontier era with a hint of him in the closing instrumental "The Victory March" also. Paindivision has put together another good album here, paying respects to their influences but doing very much their own thing and while the vocals might not be to everyone's taste it is otherwise hard to fault.

One Path is one hard hitting heavy metal album.


  1. The Gates of Ashen Wake
  2. Flames of the Reaper
  3. Face It
  4. Beyond the Pain
  5. Nightmare
  6. Wasting Life
  7. One Path
  8. Of Flame and Fury
  9. Balls to the Wall
  10. The Victory March
  11. Unchain Me (live)

Rating: 82%


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

CRYOGENIC: ego-noria


Produced by Tony Jarrett

Released: 1999

Cryogenic was unquestionably Sydney's number one metal band for a couple of years and their second album was a way for them to prove their true mettle. Complete with a unique die-cut cover that was truly an original if a problematic touch, ego-noria was the culmination of the band's achievements up to that point.

ego-noria begins with a face-ripping fury as "Analysis" kicks open the door. With no more than a tiny pause, "Directionally One" continues to tear the place apart, meaty riffs and a full-throated war cry teaming with a thunderous rhythm section and some excellent production to help the damage along. Strangely however, for a band that sounds so pissed off, ego-noria is a strikingly positive record. Within 18 months they had gone from a popular pub band to playing the country's largest stages with Slayer and the Big Day Out, and much about ego-noria was a reflection of their success in the years leading up to it.

Ego-noria showed a band whose talent had developed and whose outlook had matured in the period since their previous album Suspended Animation had been released less than two years before. Darren Maloney sounds much more comfortable on this, making a fuller use of his vocal talent and injecting a strong clean style into his normal bullroar assault. This is also true for the rest of the band, now comfortable enough to add some subtler, introspective tracks like "T.Y.T.D. (Cliffo)", about the suicide of a close friend, or "Shock Value" along the more rapacious thrash of "Death by Misadventure" for example with its fearsome, black metal style guitar, although "Redneck" showed that they hadn't quite outgrown their yob aspect just yet.

There was still something of the Pantera about the feel and execution of Cryogenic's music on this album, but the progression toward something more of their own style was evident and ego-noria was most certainly a world-class metal album for its time. Had they decided to continue in this vein instead of the questionable route they took from this point their next album may have been very special indeed.


  1. Analysis
  2. Directionally One
  3. Death by Misadventure
  4. Conspiracy Theory
  5. Hate My Head
  6. Fall On
  7. T.Y.T.D. (Cliffo)
  8. Full Grown State
  9. Stalemate
  10. Redneck
  11. Shock Value

Rating: 87%

Saturday, September 6, 2008

DRAGONFORCE: Ultra Beatdown


Produced by Karl Groom, Herman Li and Sam Totman

Released: August 25, 2008
Back when I reveiwed Inhuman Rampage I suggested that it sounded almost exactly like the one before it, Sonic Firestorm. As that album then went on to become a surprise smash hit, it was pretty unlikely that DragonForce was going to dick with such a successful formula very much. It takes all of about ten seconds of Ultra Beatdown to realise that this is another continuation of what they've been doing now for the past three albums, melodic power metal at a furious gallop, laden with lightning fast and enormously long guitar solos and dripping with lyrical cheese.

With the shortest track on Ultra Beatdown clocking in at 5 minutes and 20 seconds, it's very clear that reining things in this time around has not been a DragonForce priority. In fact it could be that the success of Inhuman Rampage has just encouraged them to push the envelope of ridiculous hyperspeed style over substance even further. While it's true that the band has actually incorporated a few touches of melodic rock and even managed a couple of slower passages here, it's also very much more of the same: endless duelling lead breaks, guitar/keyboard battles, never-ending double kicks, ultra-polished melodies and shiny harmonies, and all of it repeated again and again. If DragonForce weren't already responsible for some of the most contrived music in recent memory then Ultra Beatdown certainly gives them that distinction, with teflon-coated production so bright you need sunglasses to listen to it. To top it all off, the entire package just doesn't seem as memorable as what they've done previously, which isn't that surprising as they've pretty much just been rehashing "My Spirit Will Go On" for three albums now.

Ultra Beatdown is as much fun as any other DragonForce album but the fun doesn't last very long. Like their carefully calculated and choreographed live shows, this is a band that has become a slave to their own formula to the point where there are no surprises left, and no inspiration.


  1. Heroes of Our Time
  2. The Fire Still Burns
  3. Reasons to Live
  4. Heartbreak Armageddon
  5. The Last Journey Home
  6. A Flame for Freedom
  7. Inside the Winter Storm
  8. The Warrior Inside

Rating: 50%

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

SLIPKNOT: All Hope is Gone


Produced by David Fortman and Slipknot

Released: August 25

First of all I have to admit that I am not what could be described as a Slipknot "fan", but I don't hate them either. When I heard their first album at a friend's place years ago, I wondered why it took ten guys to make an album that sounded like five or six blokes at the most. I still wonder why they need a sampler and a DJ and a drummer and two percussionists, but there's no real reason Iron Maiden needs three guitarists either. The masks I can live with. Most performers adopt some kind of mask on stage in any case, even if it isn't a physical one, and legends like KISS, Alice Cooper, King Diamond, Bowie and dozens of others have made careers out of similar gimmicks so that aspect is really a moot point. Musically, both Slipknot and Iowa were far edgier, heavier and just more dangerous sounding than any of their generic counterparts like Mudvayne, Disturbed, Papa Roach or any of the myriad other clones that came in the wake of Korn could ever have hoped to have been, and there could be no doubting their influence and popularity. Slipknot probably turned more fans onto metal than any other band since Pantera, and have been about as contentious.

After their spectacular early success the wheels began to fall off, with key members spending valuable time on other projects and Joey Jordison playing drums for anyone who'd let him while he drank whatever he could get his hands on. Somehow though, possibly through the power of contractual obligation, Slipknot has held on and returned for a fourth bite of the cherry with the perhaps prophetically-titled All Hope is Gone. Their legions of fans have put this on the top of the charts within a day of release, probably even before most of them had a chance to listen to it, because if they had some of them may have been less eager to add this to their collections.

".execute." starts the album as a nice piece of dark atmospherics (Craig Jones and Sid Wilson still have to do something I suppose) leading into the very promising "Gematria (The Killing Name)", groove-laden, heavy and politically-charged with a modern thrash feel. It's a good beginning, but one immediately tempered by "Sulfur", a generic metalcore song that any band could do. And so it goes for the rest of the album. For every arse-ripping barrage like "Butcher's Hook", the awesome "This Cold Black" or the outstanding title track that shares the honours with the opener as the best thing on here, there's other songs that leave you wondering what they were thinking. "Dead Memories" is some kind of industrialised emo power ballad mess. Then there's "Snuff", where the band ditches any trace of integrity as an aggressive and scary metal beast and makes a grab for the mainstream rock radio market in the same way that, say, Limp Bizkit did with "Behind Blue Eyes". This is even more ridiculous however, because it's almost impossible to imagine a bunch of guys wearing boilersuits, Pinocchio noses and rapist's masks with nine inch nails sticking out of them doing a convincing acoustic love ballad. It's just goofy beyond comprehension.

Overall too, even the better songs feel like they were just slapped together piecemeal from ideas they had left over and a few they borrowed from other bands. David Fortman has done an admirable job on the production side, however, especially with a more distinguishable separation between Jordison's drum efforts and those of the percussionist duo, something that hasn't been captured all that well in the past (note "Wherein Lies Continue" in particular for this). Even so, most of the time it sounds like Fortman was the only one trying that much, and it could well be that Slipknot just doesn't have it in them anymore.

Slipknot used to be leaders. Now as half of them teeter on the brink of middle age, they're just throwing together a bunch of trendy ideas to help fund their other bands or their retirement. At least Metallica lasted four albums before they started losing the plot, and at least they still care enough to try and make a decent album this time around.



  1. .execute.
  2. Gematria (The Killing Name)
  3. Sulfur
  4. Psychosocial
  5. Dead Memories
  6. Vendetta
  7. Butcher's Hook
  8. Gehenna
  9. This Cold Black
  10. Wherein Lies Continue
  11. Snuff
  12. All Hope is Gone

Rating: 65%

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

CONTROL DENIED: The Fragile Art of Existence


Released: 1999

When you talk legends in the extreme metal world, there's few who can stand alongside the late Chuck Schuldiner for the things he brought to the form. Death remains one of the most important metal bands to have ever existed and their legacy looms large over the genre that was named after them like a colossus. Control Denied was Schuldiner's last musical venture, a project originally begun in 1996 before he iced it to produce the final Death album The Sound of Perserverence. Also featuring three other former Death members in the shapes of Shannon Hamm, Richard Christy and Steve DiGiorgio, The Fragile Art of Existence was either a continuation of that group or a completely new band (the truth will now never be known) but there did seem to be more of a "band" feel to the album than there was with Death.

Schuldiner still loomed over the project as principal songwriter, lead guitarist and co-producer but the vocals are handled by Tim Aymer, a refreshing move. Apart from this, there isn't a great deal else to distinguish The Fragile Art of Existence from much of Death's late-period work (the last album in particular) except that the overall sound leans more towards truly progressive power metal. Each of the eight tracks, most of which run for more than seven minutes, contain the usual Schuldiner hallmarks of intricate riff structure, quirky arrangements and blazing guitar passages. Here though his occasionally overbearing hand seems to have been reined in a little. That said, Control Denied's music lacks a few hooks and while the playing is solid (and with this line-up, how could it be anything else?) it places it sounds like a bunch of session musicians working together rather than a band playing.

Despite this criticism, The Fragile Art of Existence is a great album that should have been the beginning of a new chapter in Chuck Schuldiner's musical journey. Tragically, it became his epitaph, the final curtain call for a true musical visionary.


  1. Consumed
  2. Breaking the Broken
  3. Expect the Unexpected
  4. What if..?
  5. When the Link Becomes Missing
  6. Believe
  7. Cut Down
  8. The Fragile Art of Existence

Rating: 92%

Monday, September 1, 2008

VITAL REMAINS: Dawn of the Apocalypse


Released: 1999

Released within months of what many believed would see the beginning of the End of Days, Dawn of the Apocalypse sprawls across the extreme genre like a gigantic spider casting webs at everything that strays near and weaving them into a fine patchwork. From blasting torrents to darkly intricate passages often in the same song, Vital Remains leave no stone unturned in their quest to produce the most varied and intersting albums they can create, and this one is no disappointment.

With a bit of good old chanting to get underway it's cutting loose time when "Black Magick Curse" begins charting the way forward into Vital Remains' spectacularly creative death metal vision. Next is the massive title track which typifies the album: sprawling arrangements, bizarre time signatures and instrumentation, like th overlying acoustic parts which sound like there's two songs playing at the same time! There's moments like this scattered throughout, stunning little bits of innovation that make you sit up and take notice. As usual for these guys too, the songs go for a long, long time so even though there's only nine songs here you get about an hour's worth of listening and there's never a dull moment.

Abysmally sinsister vocals, enormous riffs and intricately interlaced song structures which are almost abstract at times makes Dawn of the Apocalypse another vital entry in the Vital Remains catalogue.


  1. Intro
  2. Black Magick Curse
  3. Dawn of the Apocalypse
  4. Sanctity in Blasphemous Ruin
  5. Came No Ray of Light
  6. Flag of Victory
  7. Behold the Throne of Chaos
  8. The Night has a Thousand Eyes
  9. Societe des Luciferiens
Rating: 89%